Teenage melt down obsession

[Onelongholiday]

Well I’m done with Christmas and teenagers. Middle child is kicking off wanting to go round to boyfriend today of all days. She’s 13!. Has turned hysterical, having melt down, ruined plans for us all to go out for an hour just for a drink at a nice 4* hotel as a thank you to my parents who did Christmas dinner today and who help me a lot with child care, dogs, school runs etc as I’m single due to divorce. So not only ruined our day but theirs as well. I think next year the ex can have the lot of them and I shall do my own thing even it’s just a duvet day ! Even grandparents have now said enough is enough with her. So they’ve gone out on their own now and I’m stuck at home listening to her bawling her eyes out and having to resort to locking the doors and remove keys to stop her clearing off to see him. I don’t think it was much to ask for her to spend today with family given she’s already arranged to see him tomorrow! Different if older but at 13 I don’t think so. Not like she’s not seeing him for a week. She’s having a total meltdown, threatening to wreck her room and smash a window to get out. Oldest has had to take youngest out to walk dog just to get out away from her raging as she’s frightening her little sister (9). Grey rock doesn’t work. It’s not just today, it’s everyday, waiting for the next volcano eruption, and her selfish attitude which I know is teenage thing - yet her older sister is total opposite so I don’t know. Sorry for rambling. Just totally lost and sorry for myself and parents who have had a crap day because of her. Just don’t know what to do. Sorry.

Sounds really miserable. You’re doing the right thing drawing a line but nobody ever said it would be fun… can you put on something funny and start laughing? A bit of FOMO might get through to her.

Is this a recent thing e.g. struggling with not being with her dad?

Absolutely unacceptable. I have teenagers and you need to nip it in the bud. There needs to be consequences but you need to not feed the drama.

She wants nothing to do with him, think they are too much alike. They have never really got on. So don’t think it’s that. Ex is short tempered and has anger issues. We were on holiday once and he smashed her phone and threw it at her and then went off on one. Think she is scared of him tbh. I know I am - which is one reason we divorced as what with that and other things I finally threw in the towel. Oldest one sees him but isn’t keen, youngest is 9 so thinks he’s Mr Nice of course.

She’s obsessed that’s what I don’t like. Sees none of her friends now, only him, which isn’t healthy. Can’t stop her going round - she’s gone straight off the school bus sometimes. The boys mother I’ve seen in person but is little help. Just don’t know where to go with it.

Sorry she’s spoilt everyone’s day. I’d be cancelling tmrw, if she can’t behave at home you can’t trust her to behave elsewhere would be a line I’d take. She sounds horrendous

She needs therapy. Issues with her violent and aggressive father have likely given her a very insecure attachment style. Latching onto to boy at 13 to this intensity is very unusual and not healthy at all.
You need to get her some professional help and also probably parenting support to bring her through the teenage years into a balanced adult.

I’ve already taken her to drs about mental health. They are not interested. Checked her bloods and thst was it. Little chat, tbh waste of time.She has a school pastoral person she can talk to but it’s school holidays. Child mental health services are virtually non existent or very long waiting times with a big if that they will bother anyway. So that’s pretty much a dead cert not to happen unless she threatens something dire like self harm or something worse, so hope that’s not going to be the next thing. So I have no idea what to do, other than try the school.

Can you afford private therapy?

Unfortunately not as divorce has cost me nearly 5k so no savings now, and I’ve got a loan for his buyout along with mortgage. Car had to go as can’t afford to run it now. I do work but on NMW so have to claim universal credit to manage so nothing spare.

Around here there is a charity that helps teen with MH. I’d try the GP again. This level of intensity isn’t normal and I’d be worried that if it isn’t an unhealthy attachment style then there is sone kind of control or drugs at play.

Thank you. Will try Gp again Monday but tbh doubt they will be much help. Local charity if I can find one may be more helpful