Worried my teenager is drifting away from me

[ManoharDash]

Not sure if I’m overthinking but my 12 year old has been so distant lately. They come home from school, go straight to their room, barely chat and everything I say gets a shrug or a short answer. I know teens can be like this but it still feels a bit rubbish.
I keep trying to ask about their day or suggest doing something together but it feels like I’m annoying them. Part of me thinks I should just give space but then I worry I’m missing something important.

How are their relationships with their peers? Are they going out with friends or talking to them via phone or gaming headset?

Sounds normal to me. Ye probably do chat when food is involved (not about school of course but generally)

Sounds normal to me too, my DD went through that phase and my DS12 is there at the moment. Keep lines of communication open, even if it’s a chat when she emerges to get some good. Does she have any interests? My DD loves musical theatre, so I booked tickets for us, be available for lifts and chat in the car.

One thing I would do is keep an eye on their phone, that was the age online drama tended to start and they won’t always tell you. My DD is nearly 15 now and out the other side, she’s chatty and interested in family life again, so hang in there.

Not my experience with my kids but then theyve always chatted to me and if that stopped it would surprise me to the point of needing to go out in a long car drive or walk and see what’s going on.

Maybe rather than suggesting you do something together, you could just arrange something and do it with her. What’s she into? Plan something she wouldn’t want to say no to anyway but don’t give her the choice.

This seems to be so much the case with 12 year olds. They’ve recently started senior school, they know their parents are less involved, the hormones are kicking in, they are naturally more independent, and if they haven’t already told you that you are not the author of their life, then likely they soon will. It hurts and it’s hard, because in our hearts they are every age they have ever been.

But if your relationship with your child up til now has been generally good and you suspect nothing sinister (phones, social media, etc), then hang on in there. Show them that you are around when they need you. They will be back.

Try not to ask direct questions that may feel like an interrogation. In fact avoid anything too direct at all.
Chatting in the car is good. Side by side. No eye contact.
And try never to shut them down. If their preferred chat time is half an hour after you are ready for bed, don't let them know. Encourage the chat and worry about sorting the timing later.
WhatsApp can also be a good way of having non-confrontational chats.
As a pp said, keep the lines of communication going and value what little you get. It will improve with time.