Worried about my daughter

[Kellymum3]

Hi, my daughter is 14 years old and in the last week has fallen out with a few members of her friend group. Because of this, it’s gone from her chatting to friends and seeing them all the time to nothing, not seeing or speaking to anyone and just being on her own. I’m feeling so overwhelmed by how worried and sad I feel for her, and think I’m feeling more upset about it than her. I just hate the thought of her feeling lonely, or feeling left by all her friends, especially at Christmas time where she is meant to be so happy. I just don’t know how to cope as the worry is making me feel so depressed

This is so upsetting to hear OP. I'm sorry you all have to go through this, particularly at this hard time of year. Perhaps the Christmas break will be good as it'll give them some space away from eachother to clear their heads.

Speaking from my own experience, has your daughter ever been bullied in the past? "falling out" isn't always necessarily a difference of opinion, sometimes girls freeze out another girl from the group. Then the others follow along with the more dominant personality. It leaves the victim very upset and confused as often times they don't know what they have done or the excuse given for what they have done doesn't tally up with the extent of the fall out.

It must be hard OP but all you can do is be there for her.

It will probably all work itself out. 14 is a hard age.

and mine was in the 1970's!

No luckily she has never been bullied before but I am worried that this fallout may lead to this. She’s been left off certain Snapchat groups and been frozen out by some of the girls. She does not seem massively bothered but I’m consumed but it because I think it’s so unfair. These girls have always been welcome round our house and my daughter has always been good to them and now it does feel like bullying in a way, I think I’m jus scared and sad for her

Do you know any of the mums? Could you speak to any of them? Are they ignoring her or could she ask one over for tea/chill?

With kindness OP, do you have a life for yourself? Friends?

It's a bit weird to be so obsessed with young teenage children who are navigating their way in the world.

I’m consumed...

Really??!

I think you've nailed it in your first post. You're having a big emotional reaction but she's not. That's not helpful for either of you. Do you know why you're reacting so strongly?

Yea I have loads of friends and friends are so important to me, maybe that’s why I’m worrying so much, because I want her to have good solid friends like I have. And I know it’s ridiculous that I’m consumed, that’s why I’m reaching out as I don’t know why I’m so consumed and not just rational
about it. I just want some advice, not negativity

Chatgpt will give you advice if you phrase your question well.

Most people don't make their solid, lifelong friends at 14 though do they. Falling outs happen at that age and if she's not bothered, match her energy. You going into conniptions about it isn't going to help! Talk to her about it by all means but don't blow it out of proportion.

I’ve been through this with my son at a similar age. He was so upset at the time, the boy he considered his best friend, spent all their time together and a wider group of around 4 boys, i felt so so sad for him. But I promise you it will be fine! It’s great she doesn’t seem too bothered as if she’s not bothered they will get bored of freezing her out pretty quickly. It’s much harder to actively ignore someone than just get on so school will be fine. I told my boy it just showed him who were good people and who were not and it’s better to have a few good friends you can trust than be part of a “popular crowd” he is lucky to play multiple sports so he just started hanging out with those kids and now he has lots of groups of friends. My advice would be to encourage her to distance herself, make some new connections with other girls at school. She will be fine