(reposted from aibu)
I’m new here and idk what I want but somewhere to put this which isn’t social services voicemail .
My brother is 16 , there’s 18 years between us and I have been nc with my mum for years and was mostly raised by my dad . I also live in a different area so we didn’t really have a relationship when he was growing up .
When he was 10 he was taken into care due to neglect , he had a few foster carers but summer 2023 , just before he turned 14 , he came here as his latest placement broke down and social services really pushed the family side of things . I felt I had to agree because I didn’t want him to be in the system until he turned 18 . I didnt take him because i felt ready . i took him because there was literally no one else .
He started a new school in this area which he was resentful of but we did build a relationship . He’s mixed race and has curly hair and the entire time he was with my mum and even in SS care no one took him to a specialist barber which I did and it was £££ .
I don’t want this to be too long but after a while problems occurred , school refusal etc and because his birthday is at the end of August he repeated year 10 last year and is now in y11 .
Except he still refuses school , our relationship is volatile , he’s rude . He swears at me , ignores me . He sleeps most of the day , games constantly and has peed in bottles before because of the gaming . He eats late at night and leaves a mess , refuses to shower . Smokes weed occasionally which he denies but I smell it on him . He drinks when he gets access to it either by stealing or asking older people to buy it for him , again he denies this .
Social services are useless , they’re still technically involved but barely , he isn’t on any plan anymore but the social worker changes constantly and always goes to voicemail . They don’t have any practical support and they miss appointments .
School is a bit better , they offered a mentor which he declined and a “flexible timetable” which just meant he was hardly there and more time on his own it feels like they think I’m allowing him to just stay home .
There was a cahms referral but he’s already said he’s not going to talk to some random about his life .
He refused school again yesterday point blank , he just refused to get out of bed , I said I won’t pay for his haircut then and he called me a bitch , he doesn’t seem anxious or upset about school so I don’t think it’s that . He just doesn’t want to go . Anyway , I called school and they marked it unauthorised and said I need to try and get him in , I can’t force him out of bed ??
I then got home from work and went to bed as I don’t feel well , I got woken up to the door as he’d stolen my card to order deliveroo , he’s also bought things for fortnite . I’m furious but I don’t have the energy to argue with him .
Also yesterday I found his twitter (x) account , it’s got his first name and he tweets rather sexual things about anime characters and fictional men . It’s quite explicit and it’s public . He does have a private account linked but I obviously don’t know what he tweets there .
I did suspect he could be gay but I don’t know how to bring this up to him as he hasn’t come out to me yet . It’s definitely him it was in the “people you may know” and his name is quite uncommon and the profile just fits . I’m now worried about what he looks at online .
I know most of his friends are through gaming and discord etc and last week he went to a concert in London (without telling me) and met friends from online there . I’m aware he’s 16 , I’m at a loss .
Apologies this is so long . If I have missed anything please just ask , hopefully this makes sense as I’m exhausted and unwell .