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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Not sure what to do about ds...

7 replies

Valhalla17 · 16/12/2025 18:46

DS is in year 10. Im not really sure what happens but after being on his phone awhile, he seems to lose interest in doing things and gets very angry/shouty/tearful etc.

He was a happy kid at primary school, popular, quite chatty. Covid was a big thing but Yr 6 as his last year at primary was pretty good overall.

Secondary school he didnt enjoy at all. A small number from primary went to the same school, say 3 but not friends. He spent a year and a half being very miserable. He hated it, detentions were happening several times a week. He then refused to go to school entirely. He saw a counsellor for about 10mths that I paid for to try and help get to the bottom of things, help him find his confidence again and help with the regular anxiety he seemed to be having.

In the meantime we looked at other schools, which he agreed with. He absolutely hated his school and the teachers. He didn't have friends etc etc.

He moved to a new school for Year 9. He was not happy at all. The kids were weird, he didnt like anyone, nobody liked him etc. I told him it was normal to feel this way, he needed to just ne friendly and get on with people he would settle in.

Well now hes in year 10. He seems totally fixated on people at his old school. They meet up sometimes but I feel like he gets upset when he sees them out and about, having a good time at school. So apparently he did have friends despite what he told me.

At his new school he tells me he doesn't like anyone, but his teachers tell me he is popular...hes always talking to people, he has a group he gets on with. He doesn't really make much effort with them outside of school though, just if its an official school trip etc it seems. A bit of chatter on WhatsApp or Snapchat.

Anyway, if you made it here thanks for your patience so far!

He was due to go to football this evening. He is off school for Xmas already. He suddenly just refused to move at all, got very angry and tearful at the same time. Its always the same, I ask what's wrong and I get nothing back. I then worry if hes happy in general. I dont know how to get him to communicate and im at my wits end. In the meantime im paying for all kinds of activities, do everything....

Not really sure what im asking, but if hes not happy at school do I move him again for a 2nd time and in his GCSE years?

I didnt have many friends at school until I was about 16, I just got on with people and made the most of my time. Am I asking too much to expect the same from him?

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 16/12/2025 18:50

Im not really sure what happens but after being on his phone awhile, he seems to lose interest in doing things and gets very angry/shouty/tearful etc.

If you think most of your post is linked to your opening paragraph, surely the answer is to limit phone access?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 16/12/2025 18:54

I wouldn’t move him again, he needs to be focused on his GCSE’s

Valhalla17 · 16/12/2025 19:00

TeenToTwenties · 16/12/2025 18:50

Im not really sure what happens but after being on his phone awhile, he seems to lose interest in doing things and gets very angry/shouty/tearful etc.

If you think most of your post is linked to your opening paragraph, surely the answer is to limit phone access?

Yes I mean I think the sudden mood and not wanting to go to his footy training is definitely because he sees people online and has a fear of missing out or similar. Then he becomes low. Ive taken the phone for now...I was trying to have a look on there to see if anything obvious, but it all seems normal really.

OP posts:
Valhalla17 · 16/12/2025 19:40

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 16/12/2025 18:54

I wouldn’t move him again, he needs to be focused on his GCSE’s

Thank you. Im probably not thinking straight really....but realise this is the right thing. Moving now would be a disaster

OP posts:
Itsmrsadlertoyou · 19/12/2025 18:50

I have a really open relationship with my son. When he’s struggling, We go get chips or sit on the beach. No pressure . Then I tell him that I’m mummy he can tell me anything ever. That it’s our time , and he can pour his heart out. There’s always something if they’re weepy. Go Give him a cuddle. He mightn’t now how to ask.

anonymoususer9876 · 19/12/2025 20:17

Are there any other adults that he’s close to? I’d say to him you’ve noticed him struggling and it’s important to talk about it, with whoever he feels most comfortable. That just sharing what’s worrying us can help?

He might be popular etc, but are there any close friends? People he knows are there for him? Good strong friendships?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/12/2025 20:51

A school refuser is usually SEND.

Anxiety, chatty at junior, not much contact outside of school, sudden refusals and school refusal and mood swings equalled ADHD in my dd.

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