Dd not talking to us

[Ilovedogs10]

youngest dd is really different to the rest of her siblings. She can be really loving, kind and the total opposite at times- quick to explode when she feels unheard or we disagree.
there’s been lots going on recently, she has fallen out with her best friend (because she stuck up for another friend 🙈) and that both shows her kind nature but also her stubborn side, she won’t even consider patching things up with the friend. She has other friends but I know misses her bestie. I’m off work after an orthopaedic operation and can’t drive or take her anywhere at the moment. Dh is having to do lots of extras which leaves little time for her but is still taking her to her netball training and matches. She has a volatile relationship with her dad - often says she hates him but he does try and spend time with her. They do tend to rub each other up the wrong way at times but can also be best buddies. She isn’t speaking to anyone in the house since Weds when she had a fight with her elder brother and dh stepped in to stop the fight. Both siblings were to blame for the anrgument and should have both known better. I refuse to side with her and so she is angry and upset. I listened to her version. She is refusing to come for family meals, isn’t speaking to us (did manage to send me her Christmas list though!!!) and generally moping around the house. I’ve just been to check on her and ask if she’d spend time with me this afternoon but she refuses. I explained that I’m feeling a bit lonely being at home all the time but she didn’t seem to care. She then said I never do anything with her which totally isn’t true. Shopping trips, cinema trips, ferrying her around to hobbies are usually common place. She is a happy, confident teen around her friends and family and well behaved and bright at school. Teachers love her.
I hate confrontation and as an only child find siblings fighting really difficult to manage. The other siblings (x2) just smudge along together, generally peacefully and nothing like dd.
she is cooking for herself at the mo so I’ve made sure there is stuff in she likes and can cook.
I'm at a loss for what to do to mend things…

As an only I sympathise; the sibling relationship is a total mystery and you so want them all to get on with the siblings you would have liked. Recommend that book though, it’s very insightful. Haven’t read full thread, but could it be that she’s (unreasonably of course) annoyed you’re not able to be at her beck and call as you’re recovering?

Erm sorry kid and parent and as a mum of several daughters and sons never had this problem because the attitudes would have had consequences, the disrespect would have had consequences, the cooking for herself and not joining family would have had consequences...your pandering to everything and she gets her own way each time..put your foot down before the loses all respect and it isn't by taking her out shopping or supplying her Xmas list

You're recovering from an op and your daughter is making your life a misery. She sounds like a spoilt little madam quite frankly. She should at least have some consideration. Stop giving her so much power, she's too young to know what to do with it and it will make her an unpleasant person to be around.

That's as pretty a piece of nonsense as you ever did see. Did it ever occur to you that maybe your parents didn't back you up because you were in the wrong? An older sibling arguing with a younger one is not automatically bullying, younger siblings can be masters at winding older siblings up.

totally agree… ds is lots of things but far, far from a bully and only reacts when provoked. She is a master at knowing just what buttons to press and when.
however, she is now out of her strop. Dd has returned from uni and peace has returned (for how long who knows!)
thank you for your supportive messages last week… I was feeling down and your messages did help x