13 yo struggling with social anxiety

[Jeezowhyisittough]

Dd has autism and ADHD. She is keen to have friends but doesn’t know what to say to them. She has socialised with one or two but says at school she is on her own the whole time. She goes to clubs but ends up sitting on her own which makes her anxious. In a school of 1500 I am concerned there isn’t someone she can hang out with. She wants to talk to someone to help her work through these issues which am happy to pay for but not sure how to go about it. Her dr wants to see her following a CAHMS visit but suspect they just want to put her on more drugs where I think she wants to work through this somehow. Her anxiety ranges between a score of 3-8. Anyone know the best type of help we can get?

My DD is also AuDHD and currently not in school because of anxiety. Whilst in school I spoke to student services a lot about how to help her. They offered to move her into a class where she had an old friend from Primary and allowed her to access the SEN provision at break times so she could make friends with other children who were also ND. Could you maybe speak to school about what support they can offer to help her make friends with other children is similar situations. In a school that size she won’t be the only one going through this. Our school have even started a group for girls in the same year group who have anxiety to help them find peers who understand what they are going through. If she has social difficulties then small groups where a staff member can start off the interaction may be key to helping her build relationships. I’ve also done some coaching with my DD to help her start conversations (eg “ask them what their favourite Roblox game is”) but it may be that’s not an issue for your DD?
Also GPs and school should be helping you to access counselling but you may have to keep asking. We saw about 5 different staff members in the school before we were told about the counselling services they offered. I’m also going back to the GP soon to keep pushing for ND aware therapy. Don’t give up at the first no you get, keep asking and escalate up to the head if you get fobbed off.