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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teens on holiday without you..

7 replies

Kickinthenostalgia · 01/12/2025 23:30

Ds17 who has autism, is currently away in Belgium with my sister, there’s only 4 years between them and they generally get on very well. It’s the first time he’s left the country without DP or myself. They booked it back in August and were intending to go to the Pixar experience, but neither of them did thier homework and it finished shorty after booking. DS was umming and aahhing about going but then ultimately decided he wanted to still go, (We would pay her what she paid so she didn’t lose out in money) we double checked if he still wanted to go on Sunday and he seemed genuinely excited. The were in London for the day on Sunday and arrived in Belgium this morning. Thier train was delayed just out side of Brussels for 1hr so DS was already overwhelmed, sensory overload. I am already a hot mess and my sister now keeps messaging me telling me that DS is asking why they booked for so long, that he doesn’t want to do anything, he’s been on his phone etc, now before she booked it I warned her this could happen, she was like yeah it’s fine and so far all she’s done is text me complaining, how she’s not spending her holiday sitting in a hotel room etc, now I understand that but she knew this could happen if something goes wrong and he gets over stimulated. I’m pissed off she keeps messaging me, when there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I’m already pissed off because when she booked the train back she told me originally she was booking the morning, but she actually booked late afternoon which means they will be wandering Brussels for 4 hours after leaving the hotel. I’ve just gotta hope and pray he’s okay, he suffers with anxiety. I can’t just tell him to come home because he won’t travel home by himself and I don’t think he’s allowed, and honestly I don’t want him to in case something goes wrong. I did tell my sister to use this as a lesson to not book anything past an overnight with him. I obviously don’t want him to ruin her holiday. I don’t want to keep messaging him just in case it makes him worse. Obviously I know my case is slightly complex, but how does everyone else deal with thier teens being out of the country without them. I, trying to keep busy but it’s easier said than done, with most other things I can but this is my autistic first born son and he’s not entirely like other kids. I’m proud of him for trying because honestly there was a period I thought he was going to refuse to go.

OP posts:
MumChp · 01/12/2025 23:32

They can book a train and go home if the want. Life is learning by doing.

Kickinthenostalgia · 01/12/2025 23:39

MumChp · 01/12/2025 23:32

They can book a train and go home if the want. Life is learning by doing.

my sister doesn’t want to come home, she wants to enjoy her holiday.

OP posts:
MsGrumpytrousers · 01/12/2025 23:57

Turn your phone off if you feel there’s no advice you can give.

Geneticsbunny · 02/12/2025 08:33

I assume at 17 they can just leave him in the hotel and get on with their holiday without him if he needs some time to defrag?

Applesinapie · 02/12/2025 08:42

Geneticsbunny · 02/12/2025 08:33

I assume at 17 they can just leave him in the hotel and get on with their holiday without him if he needs some time to defrag?

I agree. Your brother can chill in the hotel and your sister can explore

waterrat · 02/12/2025 09:18

Hi Op my daughter is autistic so I do understand this situation. I think this is a matter of thinking out how you would support your teen then just telling your sister to do that.

If this was my daughter she would need a day in her room to recover from the new situation and travel - can't you tell your sister to go out and enjoy herself on her own and regroup with your son later when he has had his down time?

Autism aside I think a 17 year old would be capable of a train back from belgium to London - so you could try to plan that route out for him as a back up?

Kickinthenostalgia · 02/12/2025 12:33

waterrat · 02/12/2025 09:18

Hi Op my daughter is autistic so I do understand this situation. I think this is a matter of thinking out how you would support your teen then just telling your sister to do that.

If this was my daughter she would need a day in her room to recover from the new situation and travel - can't you tell your sister to go out and enjoy herself on her own and regroup with your son later when he has had his down time?

Autism aside I think a 17 year old would be capable of a train back from belgium to London - so you could try to plan that route out for him as a back up?

they were supposed to travel to cologne today but due to a few inconveniences he’s had another sensory overload and they’ve not gone. Just spoken to my sister and she’s out and about and he’s at the hotel. I hate that he’s put. Spanner in the works, however I did warn her this could happen. Apparently he’s told her he doesn’t feel safe etc.. we are going to Florida in April and I’m at the point of explaining to him that maybe it’s not the best idea he doesn’t come because it’s less safe there than Belgium. He also absolutely hates trump and keeps complaining about American food being full of chemicals. Having an autistic child is sometimes extremely difficult and draining. They are looking into changing tickets as apparently it’s only £60 more to change to tomorrow night. And I will pay her for hers and the cost of the hotel for one night. Because it’s not fair she’s losing out.

shes supposed to be going out with DP(they are more like father and daughter as he’s been in her life since she was 9 months old) and our cousin from Ireland over the weekend to London winter wonderland so DP said he’d take her a day early and they can go to some of the things she’s missing out on in London. Just gotta wait for her to get back to hotel to confirm with him but honestly I can’t see him saying no. He’s just sitting in the hotel doing nothing so.

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