Relationship. 16/17 yo

[newtothis15]

DS got obsessed with girl
hours of calls and messages
now saying want to spend most week end with her
says I cannot say no as he would just go anyway…

please share your thoughts how would you manage

He’s 16 or 17 ?
year 11 / 12 ????

I’d tread carefully - don’t want to alienate him from you / family members while he is in throes of hormonal surges of teen love / lust ??

is the girl mutually up for this relationship ?? Or is he obsessed like a stalker ???

Is she into him too?
I would not try to block it if they are in 'first love' - why would you? As long as he's done what he needs to do at home first then let him go out. Encourage him to invite her to your house too.

Nearly 16 year old son been on/off with girl almost 2 years...currently off and he is barely eating, not taking part in usual social activities, skipping homework, feigning being ill to avoid school, not showering etc etc.
Tried different tacts showing empathy, being tough, trying to engage him in various things. Nothing is seeming to help. Any ideas please? Never seen him like this

We are just not comfortable, then staying overnight in the house of girl

I was crazily in love at 16/17 - totally obsessed - I think it's a developmentally normal way to feel!

re heartbreak and not coping - I do wish someone had sat me down and talked to me about relationships at that age, just explained heartache doesn't last forever, that it's normal to feel it at some points in life - I mean, it probably won't help much! but at least it's modelling healthy conversations

This will be, without exception in my experience, the most important thing happening in their lives. Nothing you can do or say will have much of an impact, if any, so the most important thing is to save your battles and get as much info as you can from seemingly casual conversation.
learn what you can about the partner and their relationship.
if it seems reasonably safe then let it run its course and be there to pick up the pieces.
make sure any sex that happens is not going to result in pregnancy by providing whatever is needed, and let them know that whatever happens they can come to you with any problems.
at this point in your relationships it’s no longer about control, you don’t realistically have any, it’s about consent. The amount they let you into their lives (and therefore the influence you can exert) will depend on how much you parent them with respect.

I'm reading this thread with interest. My DS1 just turned 17 & is in a relationship with a girl the exact same age (same birthday!) I'm struggling to know what is right & what is too much.

He does still go to college & pursue other hobbies, but reluctantly. He spends any spare time he can round there or she round here. If they can't he gets stroppy & is unpleasant 70% of the time. We do make him do some family things eg visiting family 2.5 hours away but he is moody doing anything. For their birthday he went out with her & her family for dinner, which upset me but I didn't tell him, then with us following night & was so rude, it was awful.

When they are here they spend all time in his room. Don't come down at all. The loft is next to his room & earlier I was putting things in there & I'm sure I could hear 'noises'. Not entirely sure what to do about that, it made me feel like I had to avoid a whole floor of the house (DS2's bedroom is up there too & I wanted to put clothes away).

I'm trying not to be overbearing but also feel he can't just do 100% what he wants.

This is so much worse than toddler years!