Hate my sons hobby - Muay Thai/kickboxing

[Anon39]

My son is 16 and has been doing kickboxing / Muay Thai since he was 11. At first it was great for his ADHD but then he changed clubs and his coach is his “mate” that blurring of roles is definitely there.

However my issue is he getting keeps put in for fights that he is getting whooped in, mismatched ages/ skills etc and as much as I hate to admit it my son just isn’t that good but enjoys it. I’ve spoken to the coach multiple times but my son almost sees him as a God (I know that sounds extreme but it’s like his word is law and not us as parents!)

ive done everything to stop him fighting and now he is even lying to me because ultimately he is 16 and voting with his feet. I’ve removed the finances surrounding it and stopped giving lifts etc but he is so determined he makes his own way there. It’s almost like a cult like devotion

I can’t understand what my son gets out of being basically beaten up for sports entertainment and also my biggest concern is his safety - when he first started it I loved it as he was exercising and enjoying the social side and then he got into competing and out of 5 novice fights he has won 1 (he is small for his weight category so the opponents always tower over him)

I can’t watch this happen anymore other than removing my support what can I actually do to get him to listen to me? It’s sickens me to my stomach when I watch this “sport” especially when it’s my darling boy. How do I love passed this as we are constantly arguing over this and it’s really affecting our mother / son relationship

Just leave him to it. It's great that he's got a hobby that keeps him active, instead of holed up in his bedroom, glued to a screen.

Try and be supportive too. Anything else will make it more appealing to him.

@Anon39 is it the sport or is it the cult like devotion that's the real problem?

It’s the disparity in the sport - the watching my son get used like a human punch bag is sickening. I think it’s a bit of both I don’t like feeling that what I say doesn’t matter and I truly am supportive of his aspirations but he just isn’t good enough against other competitors my biggest fear is a traumatic brain injury as he is 16 they don’t have to wear head guards.

one of his fights when he was 14 he was paired against a 6ft 2 16 year old! This is what I hate it feels unsafe and that no one is looking out for his best interests - almost like “yeah we can plug this gap in the programme, beat crap out of this kid here”

the more I think about it the more upset I get and the more it drives a wedge between me and DS

It isn't the sport it is the club. I am not sure what you can do tbh other than try and look for a better club.

Is there something equally interesting you can replace it with? So there’s no vacuum left

I do kickboxing and we don't ever fight. We learn the kicks and punches but always on pads not people. It's great for fitness.

It's the club he has joined that's the problem not the sport. I wouldn't like actual fighting at all.

This is what I think too, but whenever I mention going to a different club it’s met with as though I’d asked him to sacrifice his first born child or something.

the coach is very young (20) so the blurred lines of coach / mates is definitely there.

I feel like I’m wrapping myself up in knots as I can’t see a clear answer to solve the issues and the worrying when he is fighting is nothing like I’ve ever felt, always thinking is he going to be hurt again will it be bad etc

my DH is on the same page and we talk to DS until we are blue in the face and he still won’t have a bad word said about the club even when we point out the obvious (him getting whooped) he has an excuse at the ready that definitely didn’t come from my son, they aren’t his words

So my DS both play rugby and definitely both needed the physicality of tackling and being tackled. I appreciate 1 on 1 fights are different but I am just saying that I think teenage boys often want/need to do sport where they are very physical (excess testosterone?!).
However what I always appreciated with rugby is how strict they were about age gradings, injuries etc. And it just sounds like that this coach isn't. I know nothing about the sport so is it worth you finding the association or body that governs the sport and finding out from them what the rules are about who can fight whom. This may give you some ammo in terms of speaking to son or coach. You're not then banning the sport, you're saying no unsafe practices .

Yes I agree it’s the club, they are always being entered into competitions against other clubs and my son always seems to get paired with someone outrageously more skilled / bigger / older

my son can’t see he is being manipulated and he is being hurt time and again. I can’t be supportive as this feels so wrong but for some reason my DS really enjoys / wants to partake and I can’t figure out why when he is being pommelled so badly

his skills don’t measure up and he can’t seem to admit this, he is a good athlete but in this sport he isn’t good enough for competing

I think martial arts are a brilliant hobby and I dont think you'll be able to talk him into stopping. If hes competing he'll be wearing guards and padding surely? I have done karate since I was a kid and a few bumps and bruises are par for the course when sparring or in competitions. He'll be fine.

That’s the issue there is no head guards and it’s not bumps and bruises he nearly had his ribs broken at the last one because he is being paired in competitive fights (not sparring I don’t mind him sparring) in the amateur categories they are big events in clubs and sports halls

he is being put in a ring against people who literally train all day everyday for this type of life and he is still at school

I don’t think I’ve explained it very well but it’s not just light contact he is at serious risk of harm and he can’t see it despite being beaten so many times

This club needs reporting, there must be a body that oversees these competitions/fights. Report asap.

I think this is definitely a club issue. At my DC's club they've cancelled fights because there hasn't been anyone in the right category. They take it very seriously that the kids are evenly matched. My DC is younger though, I assumed it was same for the older groups that they are matched by weight.

Is there some sort of regional or national organisation you could report the club to? Or call another club (in a different county) for advice?

Absolutely this. There must be a sporting professional body or association or something for this sport. I would find out and get in touch with them and ask for the club to be inspected and the coach’s qualifications checked.

Apparently Muay Thai has a governing body but it’s optional you don’t have to fight under their rules - I tried to report them to the kickboxing safe guarding unit but they didn’t do anything even when I sent in videos of what was happening - I tried to report it twice but it’s an unregulated industry I think that’s why I’m feeling so powerless and frustrated

my DS thinks I’m overreacting and he is almost brain washed and I know this isn’t right my gut tells me something is very wrong I just feel so powerless and like all my avenues of fixing things are blocked

I went as far as contacting one of the places that holds the events and asked them who the sanctioning bodies are for their events etc and they didn’t even reply because they know they aren’t doing anything wrong as there are no rules surrounding this sport

Did you originally provide parental content to tge club for insurance purposes? If you did then could that be withdrawn perhaps?

Do they have insurance- if anything happens? Could you find out who this is?

I didn’t want to read and run, but just to say I wholeheartedly sympathise with you and would feel exactly the same if it was my son 💐

Im surprised theres no requirement for safeguarding here.

Im with the PPs that say to report the club to any appropriate body. And if he gets injured...go to A and E who always seem to ask searching questions and give them the answers! They certainly questionned us on my fathers falls.

I agree. This is shocking. It can't be an official club, surely. My friend's dd does muy tai and the safety rules are very strict.

@Anon39
OP
I work in insurance.
This is the way. This will stop them.
Even if you don't know who their insurer is, try literally ringing all of them.
(Or is there an industry hotline in the UK?)

Is it full on fighting or sparring partners.
Only asking as sometimes it looks brutal but its not its.

So sorry for your situation and totally understand your concern. My background is traditional Karate and whilst I respect any martial artist I've never really understood the reason why a parent would encourage their child to wear sparkly shorts and kick othe kids heads in. Your right to be concerned, a 15 year old boy tragically died in a Thai boxing fight not long ago in what was reported to be an unregulated fight night. Could you suggest your son visits a Karate class where his size and low gravity and therefore speed will be a great asset, or perhaps Judo which I have never done but have friends who have competed internationally.
If he thinks that is a step down in macho style have a look at the last Judo winners of Vale Tudo and it's an Olympic sport for a reason.
Good luck and stay safe.