No idea what to do

[Debbiep11]

My 16 year old started college in september this year. He is autistic and things were going well. Up until he got close to a girl, he saw it as a serious relationship, she didnt and has moved on. He has now shut down and is not doing well. He isnt going to classes and when he does, he doesnt do the work and just sits there. He is barely eating or drinking, not talking much either. This cannot go on. I feel helpless watching him throw away his life for a girl !!!
Whats worse is he is also alienating the other students where is he now getting mocked because of what has happened.
I have no idea what to do. I am thinking about pulling him out of college but I know by law, I have to find something else for him which I am not sure is possible at the moment.
Any advice would be appreciated please. He is throwing away a brilliant opportunity for a girl he barely knows. Its driving me mad and is heartbreaking that the friends he masde have turned against him due to how he is behaving.

Does the college have a welfare team? Could he access some counselling? It sounds like he needs some support to process this rejection. Also, other students mocking someone autistic for their reactions and behaviour sounds pretty appalling and I would be wanting to tell the college about that as well. I work in a school and we have a 6th form and we would provide support for students like your son.

They have involved their wellbeing team but I honestly dont think it will help. He will just also be made a bigger target for bullying as well which is my concern. He is left on his own all day with no interaction with any other students as it looks like they have gone against him. He says he doesnt care he has no one to talk to but its not right he is left on his own all day, watching everyone else having fun (again ). Maybe he will be better dropping out and trying again another year , I just dont know

Sorry to read this, what a difficult situation. Your poor boy, I can’t bear to think of kids getting bullied.

I'm sure you’ve already told him this but getting rejected is par for the course in relationships - most people experience it sooner or later. Encourage him to take a step back and see it as another step on the ladder towards adulthood. I appreciate he’s autistic so things are probably more black and white for him.

As for the bullying - surely the welfare team can support your son with this? Is it possible it’s more ribbing than bullying? You mention these people were previously his friends - could it be your son is taking their teasing more personally than a non-autistic person might? Is he cutting himself off from their company perhaps?

it’s so difficult to watch our kids suffer - I really hope your son turns a corner soon and can put this experience behind him.

Im going to pick up on the "what if he drops out of college bit". My AuADHD son was badly let down by his. The course didn't suit him, they fumbled the transition to another and he missed deadlines and is now without a place at all. I am looking at placements for him at charity foundations that offer L1 courses in employability skills, volunteer work etc. There are other options out there. I hope he can get back on track but do lean on the college for support.

Hi @Debbiep11 it could be worth re-posting in SEN. I think you would benefit most from advice from other parents of autistic DC.

For the moment: why did you/your son pick this college? Was it for a specific course? Are there alternatives? Could he return to the sixth form at his secondary school, if they have one?

Does he have an EHCP? Is it being followed?

Speaking as a teacher of sixth form age students, the next few months will be crucial. We will cover more than half of the A-level/BTEC courses by February. Then there will be summer exams which will inform UCAS predictions.

We can and do support students with social challenges.

Does your son hope to go to university?

There are a lot of factors to consider here but a re-start in September somewhere more supportive could be one option.