I'm just here for a rant really...DD is 15, she's got an EHCP and attends online school, only doing 3 GCSES after a year of not attending, she's autistic, has chronic fatigue too but I think also ADHD, she's got no interest in exploring a diagnosis for that though, or helping herself in any way.
Also have a DS, 10. Also autistic and a handful. Waiting on an ADHD assessment. Barely sleeps, gets really frustrated with everything, hates crowds and new things.
I work 4 days a week, teaching, so I'm out of the house from 7.15am until around 5pm each day. Single parent, dad sees them twice a month.
I've just got so much on my plate and also exploring assessment for autism and ADHD for myself, plus I'm menopausal...so I think I'm letting this all affect me more than someone else would.
Every day I come home to her having baked, made herself lunch, breakfast etc, showered (most days), working at the laptop...(I'm grateful to or this as a year ago she wasn't getting up, wasn't eating, wasn't doing anything)...and there's just shite everywhere. Food everywhere, all the milk drank, ingredients I'd put aside for dinner used up in some concoctions...today it was buttercream icing literally everywhere, all the pots and pans in the sink after she'd made a cake which is basically inedible....I have to clean the mess up before I can even think straight, but I also really fucking hate loading a dishwasher and trying to straighten everything up...all I want to do is to sit for a bit with my coffee in silence, but it's straight into clearing up her mess, picking up her towel, clothes, cups, bowls plates...then cooking dinner, sorting stuff for the next day, cleaning, work, getting DS to sleep and inevitably failing...
Thing is, she's so moody, so reactive, praise doesn't work, asking her just results in a reaction, she's currently in a mood because I'd got short tempered with her because I'd planned to make spag bol and she wanted to cook herself something else, which is fine but I'd planned for one meal and would have had to clean up her mess...I'd also mentioned a week ago we might go to a fireworks display tonight, but I'm so tired and I knew we would probably have to leave halfway through because either of them would have found it too much...I'm constantly watching for their reactions, trying to smooth things over, trying to make everything easier...
I just get so affected by their moods, the silence, the meltdowns, the stroppyness.
I'm literally all she has for company at the same time. No friends, no going out unless I take her. She was probably really excited about going out somewhere tonight and now I just feel awful that I've been too busy and too tired to sort it out and that I forgot to tell her we weren't going earlier.
I have to be so careful with my words all the time, I can't just say we will do something then not do it, plans can't change, I manage to be careful mostly but I drop the ball sometimes.
So now I have another evening all on my own, trying to get my son to sleep at a reasonable hour, feeling bad because the great sulking hulk is upstairs in a mood because I let her down.
Feeling like a shit mum and also like there's nothing I can do right. I'm just tip toeing around them both all the time, diffusing situations...I'm just so tired of it all.