Dd16 refusing school

[Longdistance]

We’ve had issues with dd having a low mood and she started counselling in May. This has now stopped and she is refusing school for the past month. First day back and she’s in tears, but eventually goes. She’s constantly emailing me from school that she wants to go home. Messages me on WhatsApp blaming me for everything that’s gone wrong that day. She’s recently started to get rages that last half an hour if things don’t go her way. She says she doesn’t have any friends, but when teachers or counsellors suggest a break time or lunchtime club, she refuses these suggestions.
I’m at a loss. We’ve been through the asking about bullying, someone hurt her, but nothing. She had been quite open and honest with me, but nothing.
We’ve had suggestions of ASD and ADHD from the pastoral staff. She’s about to do her mocks soon and I’m not sure where to go with any of it.
Has anyone been through similar? It’s all a bloody mess 😭

If they are suggesting asd and or adhd, make a gp appointment and ask for a right to choose assessment for both. Then sit down with her and explain that she might be neurodivergent or she might not be but regardless, she is clearly having a really hard time at the moment and see if you can work out what can you and school change to make school easier for her. I am going through similar with my daughter and have just done a sensory assessment with her where we looked at all the different senses and worked out which ones she was OK with and which she struggled with. Turns out she has issues with some lighting and with noises so I am going to see if we can get ear plugs for her to wear at school and make her tell me if there are any issues eirh lights to see if we could get glasses or ask the school to change the bulbs.
She has also been told not tk do homework and let off pe. If she gets worse I will be asking if she can drop some of her gcse subjects completely and just do maths, English, art and science.

Have been through very similar. Take one day at a time, every day done is a win. We found things like mocks helped as it was different to normal routine.
It's so so hard xx

@Geneticsbunny thanks for the reply. Yes, I’ve spoken with the GP, we got a CAMHS appointment and had that before half term, it was over the phone and we talked about ASD. The ADHD was my suggestion as her cousin who’s in his 30’s was diagnosed as a teen. I’m just awaiting on what the next step is for her after our phone appointment. She gets headaches every day, we went to the opticians and she is short sighted, do we now have glasses, but that still doesn’t solve her headaches.
@HazelHedgehog yes, my daughter enjoyed the Year 10 exams when she had study leave and wasn’t in.
We’ve had issues with her forgetting to eat and this doesn’t help her mood.

Headaches can be caused by not eating.

I think it's a bit like death by a thousand cuts for a lot of neurodivergent kids in secondary. Sounds like you are doing the right thing i.e. Remove as many things which are causing extra pressure as possible.