Teenager daughter Halloween party

[Carol52]

My daughter aged 14 has a friend in the year above(she has a few friends year above) .
this one friend she seeing more off. I don’t really know her parents just quick what’s app messages etc.
They seem nice the daughter is nice.
The family is having g s big Halloween party and my daughter friend asked her to go. They went to get a costume well items but really urs a skimpy t shirt with holes in and a pair shorts.
now my dilemma is I don’t really know the parents I gave only net the daughter twice and there is a big party in the house.With adults
should I contact the mum to check or should I leave it I don’t want to be over bearing but my daughter has not been to a party before I am worried about drink etc particularly because her friend is older. Any help

Let her go don't contact parents at that age but do pick her up

First comment nails it. Also have a 14 year old. Absolute nightmare - constantly on edge and tutting!

I have life360 and she knows a drink is ok. More is not.

Thanks

I’d think she absolutely is going to be drinking so it depends how you feel about that.

I’m sure she will have a lovely time. I told my teenagers that when they were drinking they needed to be aware of not being so drunk that they couldn’t make sure they were safe. I think with teenagers you need to let them go enough that they don’t start keeping things from you. I was always just quite straight with mine.

Perfectly normal for this age, my 15 yr DD has two Halloween parties to go to and I turn a blind eye to what she wears ( within reason) pick you battles and all that

Thanks for your comments. I had a chat about the very small and now cut in places top. I said great job with the guts blood effect but may need something underneath. She said yes. I am picking her up later so will see how she is. I think it’s because it is a adults party as well a bit worried as she don’t know anyone

I have a 14 yr old DD who is Halloween obsessed, the costume this year and last year are much more grown up than the usual witch or skeleton type thing she’d wear previously, but she absolutely loves making them, she’s spent months and her own money putting together a costume which will look great - the skirt is a bit short but I really don’t think it’s for the male gaze, it’s to look like the character she’s dressing up as.

Id let her go to the party and pick up at 9 or 10 latest.

Don't check with parents at that age.
Don't assume there will necessarily be drink even with the slightly older friend.

Do keep lines of conversation open so your daughter feels she can volunteer information that you may not be 100% happy about.

This stage is so difficult isn't it, just on the cusp. I think the fact there will be adults there is protective, I'd worry more if it was just teens at a house party. Outfit isn't great but par for the course at this age.
I agree with the others above about keeping lines of communication open, have a pick up time agreed but be clear you will come at any time if she's uncomfortable.

Sounds like a family-type party, so should be more controlled than a teen gathering.

I love the idea of a safe word or emoji which means ‘I’m not happy but don’t want to be overheard saying that’ so we’ve got “is aunty Mary still there’ or anything with Aunty Mary as we don’t have one and then I saw recently taking that into eg an Octopus emoji as an escape signal

This for sure.

my dad had a rule with me at this age that I could ask to be picked up any time. From anywhere. Without repercussions. So if I found myself in over my head or a party went in an odd direction I could call and he’d come get me and I wouldn’t be in trouble. I did this 3 times as a teenager and it got me home safe and he kept his promise and never mentioned it again. I will have this promise with my kids when they’re a bit older.