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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How often do your 14 year old go out after school/weekends, mine is out all the time

27 replies

Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:11

I know every child is hugely different, even my own kids. But looking for anyone who has a kid similar to mine.
My son has changed beyond all recognition, I can't relate to him at all and there is an expanse between us. He's nearly 15.
Before puberty me and him were extremely close, he told me everything, too much, he was funny and entertaining and a real presence everywhere he went, liked attention.

This past year he has started puberty and become sullen, angry, moody, withdrawn and doesn't want anything to do with us. Not doing great at school, bad attitude with everyone.
He goes out all of the time. He says hes bored at home and there is nothing to do. He has a PlayStation but his friends don't play on it that much. He is very much a people person and hates being on his own.
He does have a great group of friends who we have known since they were 4 years old.

They all go out together straight after school until 9pm every night. Go to McDonald's, the park, walk/bike around.
At the weekends they are out all day and all night . They aren't doing anything bad as far as I know and I've got a tracker so I can see where he is.
But we never ever see him, he just sleeps here. This is regardless of weather. He's gone out tonight in torrential rain and wind. It comes before everything and I think its far far too much. He has played out since he was 7 so its normal for him but I find it concerning that he cant seem to stay home.
My daughter is the opposite, never goes out so I have two extremes. I miss my son but when he is here is quite awful to be around as so moody!

OP posts:
WhatdidIforget · 23/10/2025 19:12

How does he have the funds for McDonald's all the time?

Ours go out till 430pm ISH then home for homework and dinner then maybe out again for hobbies

eurotravel · 23/10/2025 19:14

Hence why poor grades?

WhatdidIforget · 23/10/2025 19:14

DD is out every night but at dance school,.so she's with her friends but doing something constructive (she's a real extrovert too)

Arlanymor · 23/10/2025 19:16

If he's out every night, when he is doing his homework? When I was his age I wasn't allowed to go out until I had done my homework and my chores - I still managed to meet friends for a couple of hours before bedtime. Leisure time is a privilege you earn from doing the essentials that you need to do at home.

Original poster
Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:19

They sit in McDonald's in a group, he rarely has anything, maybe the odd cheeseburger.
His group of friends get given a lot of money by their parents so they are always out spending money, we give son £10 week.
The school he goes to don't issue homework, it was part of the appeal as he always struggled with school and focus .

OP posts:
BreadstickBurglar · 23/10/2025 19:24

I wouldn’t be happy with this. I think at that age the kids whose parents let them out all the time were overwhelmingly the ones who eventually got into mischief. Not all things like drugs and crime (but some) but more just booze, maybe smoking weed, unhealthy friendships and relationships. I don’t know whether you can wind this back in now but I’d be making an attempt to have him in by teatime most weeknights. He needs the protection and the constructive things of home, even if that’s just arguing with his sister, watching tV with you. They think they’re adults at this age but they really need their parents to give them a sense of structure even if (so) they can rant about it being boring.

What’s he eating?!

Original poster
Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:29

He has a snack before he goes out then his tea when he comes in during the week.
They are a very sporty group so will go out biking, football etc on a weekend, summer nights , but now its cold and dark I can't understand why they want to be out all the time.
There's a massive group its not just my son. If he doesn't go out he feels like he is missing out on something

OP posts:
newyorkbreakfast · 23/10/2025 19:30

I posted something similar a few days ago, OP, in the ‘parenting teenagers’ section. Is your son ND, maybe ASD or ADHD? I find it very stressful as 9pm is just too late and you can’t relax until you know he’s in the door. Have you had a meeting with school?

Arlanymor · 23/10/2025 19:33

Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:29

He has a snack before he goes out then his tea when he comes in during the week.
They are a very sporty group so will go out biking, football etc on a weekend, summer nights , but now its cold and dark I can't understand why they want to be out all the time.
There's a massive group its not just my son. If he doesn't go out he feels like he is missing out on something

Eating at 9pm isn't ideal given his bedtime must be 11pm or so. Maybe insist that he eats with the family first and can then go out after that.

HaggisMcHaggisface · 23/10/2025 19:34

I think that sounds much better than being in all the time on screens

Original poster
Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:36

He possibly has adhd, he finds it hard doing nothing. He always has to be doing something.
He has always said he feels very different to us (mum, dad and sister) the 3 of us are somebodies, love nothing more than snuggling up with blankets, snacks and films. We are not into sports and aren't an active family . We prefer going out to eat, museums, cinema that type of thing.
My son is extremely active, very sporty, very social. I feel like he goes out to be with people he feels he has more in common with but he cant even spare us 5 minutes. And if we force him he is moody and sulky and makes it pointless

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 23/10/2025 19:37

I'd say it's normal, round here teenagers hang out in groups all the time, on their bikes, playing football, outside the shops. Better than being stuck indoors on the computer.

Original poster
Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:37

Homebodies not somebodies

OP posts:
Randomchat · 23/10/2025 19:39

My almost 14 yr old stays out after school, usually playing football in the park, until 5.30pm then everykne starts drifting home for tea. He doesn't go out in the evenings unless to an organised thing.

Weekends he has rugby on Saturday mornings then usually does something in the afternoon with pals, bike ride or cinema. Then Sunday afternoon another thing with pals. Again doesn't go out in the evenings unless pre-arranged to someone's house to watch a film or something.

So he's out a lot. But not just aimlessly wandering around and not after dark. I always know where he is and who he's with.

It sounds like you're not comfortable with what your boy is doing and I always think that's the best guide you can have as a parent. Can you say what it is in particular that bugs you? The people he's with, where he is, what he's doing? Or just that the balance between home and not home feels wrong?

Original poster
Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:43

The balance because hes never home and that they are out after dark.
I could stop him and have before but hes not actually doing anything wrong, just socialising /chatting with friends or playing sports. I'd just rather him be at home. He will even want to go out on Xmas day, its that bad

OP posts:
AgnesMcDoo · 23/10/2025 19:45

My DD13 is out all the time - total social butterfly. Going into town, McDonald’s, Tescos, bowling, cinema, playing footie in the park, hanging out plus extra curricular activities. She’s always a been the same since she started going out to play.

My DS17 is out almost never. Only to organised extra curricular activities . But he has ADHD and is quite socially isolated.

BreadstickBurglar · 23/10/2025 19:45

Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:36

He possibly has adhd, he finds it hard doing nothing. He always has to be doing something.
He has always said he feels very different to us (mum, dad and sister) the 3 of us are somebodies, love nothing more than snuggling up with blankets, snacks and films. We are not into sports and aren't an active family . We prefer going out to eat, museums, cinema that type of thing.
My son is extremely active, very sporty, very social. I feel like he goes out to be with people he feels he has more in common with but he cant even spare us 5 minutes. And if we force him he is moody and sulky and makes it pointless

Call me a pain in the Arse but I’d be making him spend more time at home sulks or not. He needs a better balance not just school and hanging out.

lifeisfraughtless · 23/10/2025 19:47

I was out every evening with my friends at that age. Dinner was at 7pm so I either had to be home by then and stay in after, or I could come straight home and go out for an hour or so after. We lived in a super safe market town though.

BreadstickBurglar · 23/10/2025 19:49

Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 19:43

The balance because hes never home and that they are out after dark.
I could stop him and have before but hes not actually doing anything wrong, just socialising /chatting with friends or playing sports. I'd just rather him be at home. He will even want to go out on Xmas day, its that bad

Children don’t have to be doing something wrong for their parents to want them home. Home is where they live, eat, rest, do chores, talk to their families. It’s not a punishment it’s a structure. What if you experiment with having him back earlier on school nights. 7? That still gives him 3-4 hours a night.

oldclock · 23/10/2025 19:50

What about homework? Some parenting needed here.....

TheHairInClaudiasEyes · 23/10/2025 19:51

If my children had somewhere to be for something then they could go with my blessing but if the were just going to hand about in a group it wasn’t happening. Bored teens in a group will be led astray to do something stupid whether it’s back chatting someone, their presence intimidating people due to their number, smoking/vaping/drinking, entering vacant buildings, getting groomed by older kids which can lead to getting involved in county lines.
Because he’s moody it sounds like you’re opting for the easy option letting him do what he wants.
If your DD wanted to do the same as your DS at 15 would you let her?

Flowerpetal2 · 23/10/2025 19:59

oldclock · 23/10/2025 19:50

What about homework? Some parenting needed here.....

This has been addressed if you read the thread.

Original poster
Teenagersarehardwork028249 · 23/10/2025 20:03

I'm glad people agree with me. It's hard because his friends can just do whatever they want , with lots of pocket money and lifts where ever they want. He already says we are too strict compared to all the other parents and is always pushing to stay out later on weekends. He thinks it should be 11pm and they laugh at him when he has to come home.
If he is ever at home he just stays in his room with the door shut. If I go in he tells me to get out. He never ever comes and sits with us downstairs and always refuses to come anywhere with us as its not cool being with parents he says

OP posts:
GanninHyem · 23/10/2025 20:07

No teenagers yet here but as a former teenager many moons ago, I don't think I ever stayed in really.

I was somewhat of a latch key kid for a while due to parents working hours but I just used to come from school, scran whatever micro meal / frozen pizza was in the freezer, bash out some utter pish for homework (or do it on the way to school with friends and we would all copy each other 😂) and then be out until 9pm/10ish and basically stick my head in the living room say I was home and go to bed / my room. I was the sullen moody absolute pain in the arse too. I do feel for my parents but I just hated everything about them and being in the house made me angry. I don't know why (suspected ADHD here too) but I hated being in the same room as my parents, I hated just sitting watching TV with them (never what I wanted mind) I hated the noises they made sniffling or clinking nails on cups. Literally I wanted to tear my flesh off if I sat in the living room with them, so if I ever did stay in I was in my room. I know it was a rough few years for them but I do have a great relationship with them now for what it's worth and it started to change as I hit 17/18ish.

So no real advice OP, but times are different (late 90s early 2000s im talking here) so I do understand your worry about him being out so much.

Would doing more activities he likes being a way of getting to spend more time with him? It sounds like he doesn't get to do a lot of things he likes with you as a family?

BreadstickBurglar · 23/10/2025 20:13

If he’s so sporty why not have a look at local football clubs with youth teams etc. at least that would be a change. I really don’t think OP’s son is living the same life as some teens mentioned earlier who are out and about doing lots of things. He’s just hanging about. I’m sure I’d have enjoyed the same thing as a teen but luckily I had other activities and plenty of healthy home boredom which eventually became thinking about the future etc.