Is 11pm a reasonable curfew for 16yo…

[HerbertVonDoodlebug]

…when hanging out with friends in the park? Usually it’s midnight ish if at a party in someone’s house. But uncomfortable with him being out in the park after 11. He is a sensible lad and not likely to drink more than a couple of ciders but I’m worried about randoms in the park, the group being rowdy etc. He’s only just started going out since starting sixth form in September so this is all new to us!!

ETA: this is weekends/school holidays only- he wouldn’t be out on a school night

My 16yo doesn't go out in the evenings but if she did I would expect her back by 9pm as she is lights out at 10pm.

I wouldn’t allow that late hanging around (though she has taken a long time to walk home before). I’d be less bothered if walking back in a group but I agree they are not allowed to be a nuisance.

I don’t think 11pm is unreasonable for a 16 yr old but tbh I wouldn’t really want him to hang around in the park, different at a party or a friends house etc

11pm is fine. Hanging round the park drinking cider is not. Parents need to let them have gatherings.

I’m not delighted about it either, but he is a trustworthy chap so I’m trying to find the balance between allowing freedom and keeping safe!

Fair point! I used to do the same and never told my parents (hence I know it can be dodgy 😂) so least you know where he is. Hopefully when it starts getting colder he’ll lose interest x

I would have thought the law is a good place to find balance. It's illegal for under 18s to drink in public.

Even at weekends?

Yes very reasonable. My DS 17 has to be back in ‘a house’ (either ours or a friends) by 11:30pm

Mine didn’t have curfews by 16 on non school days, but they didn’t hang out drinking in parks.

I think 11pm is reasonable during the week. I would be much happier for my child to be at a friend’s house rather than the park, but I suppose it depends on where you live.

Yes.

Can you give them a living room (or garden?!) to use to socialize and turn a blind eye to smoking?
can you encourage them to go to Pizza Hut or something they can order wine and beer legally with meals there?
if not then 11pm but I’d want to be reassured that he and friends will look out for each other (like girls do) and ask if he’d agree to a phone tracker for your reassurance

DD16 doesn't have a curfew and I find the concept a bit weird and American 😂 She goes out until the end of the event...so if there's a party that ends at 1am I pick her up at 1am. But clearly that's not every night. She also gets dropped / picked up everywhere due to logistics of where we live but obviously that is safer into the bargain.

I'd feel very anxious about her being out in a park even a lot earlier than 11pm! That feels really unsafe. Maybe it's a bit different for boys.

I guess you can't pick where the kids want to hang out...could you host? Even in the garden?! Can understand that may be a big undertaking depending on the size of the group / behaviour of the others.

Thanks all! A really interesting mix of responses, all appreciated.

This park gathering is a one off event and I’ve made it clear that going forwards he will need to be at someone’s house. (I’ve offered our conservatory for a future gathering!) He has also agreed not to drink on this occasion and to share his location.

He is really sensible and mature so I think will be ok, knows to stay with his friends etc.

It’s tricky at this age isn’t it. In my day at age 16 we just went to the pub 😆

She's 16 not 6.

Its true that when I was 16 we could hang out in a pub. We weren't even drinking alcohol most of the time, just playing pool and chatting over a lemonade. Its a shame that teens these days dont have unstructured places to hang out.

I'd be nervous about a 16yo hanging out in a park at 11pm but I guess you have to allow some freedoms or you run much bigger risks of them sneaking out or lying.

That’s so early for someone that could be married, is this her choice or your strict rules?

Its a shame isn't it. Post 16 during A Levels we would be in pubs or clubs, or in a parent-less house. No curfews at all. We had completed compulsory education and that was it for rules really. I get you, it's the hanging around in a park that isn't ideal especially during the winter.

My 16 year old dd doesnt have a curfew as such, just a cut off on what time we will pick her up. She doesn't hang around on the streets though. Its either friends/boyfriend houses, actual house parties or gigs. Thankfully we have a bit of a rota system going with other parents for group lifts home. She's also quite lucky in the fact that quite a few of her friends parents have converted garages or summer houses in the garden that they will all congregate in if its not an actual party.

Only you can answer this. It would be a hard no from me, particularly hanging out in the park. Yes if it's a set activity as a one off eg going to a gig/ event but no to just 'hanging around ' ie drugs and alcohol.

I'm not judging anyone I'm just answering the OPs question, so there's no need for you to judge me and be rude.

I don't consider it strict. If we take her to a concert or the theatre then she will be out later, we approach special events individually and discuss them, but in general I would want her back for 9pm which I think is reasonable at 16. It was the same for me growing up. There's no need to be out later than that and she needs to get to bed and get enough sleep for college. I definitely wouldn't allow drinking in the park till 11pm and I don't think that's strict, just good boundaries.

I could judge you for being lax, couldn't I? I was just answering the OPs question with no judgement. She has to make her own decision, as do you. No need to judge me for what I do and which works for us and we are all happy with.

I'm always an outlier on these sorts of threads as it's totally normal here for kids to be out way past 11 on the streets and in parks. They are offered houses but like to be out. None of them smoke, a small number vape and drinking is minimal unless actually in parties. My ds has gone to uni now but there were no real curfews beyond 16 though he had to keep location on and reply if I did message, which he always did. He doesn't drink and only ever went out at weekends or holidays so the school night curfew never came up. Once his group got to be 17/18 they would go to pubs and then end up sitting in someone's car for hours. Nothing bad came to pass in the 3 years or so he did this but it's always said on here kids should not be out in parks/the streets late. I suppose it very much depends on the area - if I had said no he would have been the only one in his large mixed friendship group not to be allowed.

My 16yo (also just started 6th form) has to be home by 11 if just 'out' but if it's a party or at someone's house then later is fine. So yes. I'd say YANBU.
I've repeatedly offered our house for 'gathering' but he and his mates like to be out and about - doesn't mean they're drinking and smoking but just meeting up with others, chatting, hanging out. We live in a small and fairly safe town though.