First boyfriend is this ok?

MavisBarrel · 2025-10-20T11:05:56+00:00

My DD is in year 10 and is a few weeks into her first relationship with a boy the same age at school. She is hoping to meet up with him outside of school over half term - once in the shopping centre and once at a friends house with another ‘couple’ . It is such new territory I need to check on my instincts .. I feel uncomfortable with them being at at a house unsupervised and I don’t t know the parents ( not unusual at this age of course) so I can check if anyone will be there . I don’t really think they are likely to be planning anything untoward she is pretty open with me and is generally quite sensible but you know they are teenagers and things happen.. How do I navigate this please ? Am I being too naive here or too cautious?

NautilusLionfish · 20/10/2025 16:51

I think its up to you really. I am not from the UK and in my culture 10 would be too young to have a bf/gf, let alone at someone else's house. My friend from an EU country thinks UK kids start dating too early. On the other hand you could say they will meet and do what they want regardless of the boundaries you put. If you let them go ahead try to ensure your DD understands consent, abuse etc (but can a 10 year old truly understand and enforce these? even with another 10 year old) and that she can tell you. Also how will you know there wont be older boys/kids at someone else's house? May be am too conscious but there are just too many scare stories although for sure the non scare stories outnumber the former.

Wolfiefan · 20/10/2025 16:53

@NautilusLionfish Year 10 means 15/16 years old.
Offer them to meet up at yours?

DaisyChain505 · 20/10/2025 16:56

This is extremely grown up behaviour for a 10 YO.

Firstly a 10 YO should be out in shopping centres unsupervised. Play dates at a friends house is one thing but out in public places alone isn’t ok for this age.

If anything I would offer to host at your house. Maybe a pizza and movie/games night. Speak to all parents involved and get the feel of the situation from all of them.

At this age your child shouldn’t be at anyone’s house who you haven’t spoken to and seen before. She’s not a teenager she’s a very young child.

ACatAsleepInYourHat · 20/10/2025 16:58

@DaisyChain505 Year 10, not 10 years old.

Wolfpa · 20/10/2025 16:59

DaisyChain505 · 20/10/2025 16:56

This is extremely grown up behaviour for a 10 YO.

Firstly a 10 YO should be out in shopping centres unsupervised. Play dates at a friends house is one thing but out in public places alone isn’t ok for this age.

If anything I would offer to host at your house. Maybe a pizza and movie/games night. Speak to all parents involved and get the feel of the situation from all of them.

At this age your child shouldn’t be at anyone’s house who you haven’t spoken to and seen before. She’s not a teenager she’s a very young child.

Edited

I don’t think they are 10 years old, they are in year 10 at school so 15/16

@MavisBarrel what are your specific concerns?

Rooroobear · 20/10/2025 17:05

Year 10 not 10 years old!

Original poster

MavisBarrel · 20/10/2025 17:07

oh Gosh , no she is not 10 , year 10 almost 15 !
She is my eldest so I am new to all this , I just know when I was her age I was ‘snogging’ my boyfriend on the school bus and my mother wouldn’t have had a clue about any of my antics !
I suppose I am just nervous about her being on her own with a boyfriend , as I said before just don’t know what are normal boundaries for this age , I was the younger of my siblings and I think we just lied when we weren’t allowed to do things so I want to be trusting to encourage openness’s to try to keep her safe and secure in her decisions.

OP posts:

Original poster

MavisBarrel · 20/10/2025 17:09

Also I have no access to the parents, they make their own arrangements by this age and geographically I cannot offer to host on this occasion as they are all getting a bus to a nearby town that is about 20 miles from where I live.
She has invited a group over for halloweeen at our house so I can assess him then !

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HashtagSadTimes · 20/10/2025 17:09

I think even not quite/just 15 is pretty young. I would be keeping a tight rein, e.g. by collecting her, and making sure the communication is very very open.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 20/10/2025 17:14

We’re entering this stage as well, I think it’s good she’s telling/asking you about her plans.

I’m concerned with my DD she’ll feel she has to have a boyfriend to fit in, so I’ve worked on her self esteem and we’re talking about some of her friends who are in relationships and why and if we think they’re healthy ie still make sure they see their mates, don’t do anything sexually until they are absolutely sure they are ready and legally they’re not yet and how that could get them in to trouble.

I think I’d feel the same as you about them hanging around at another friends house as a foursome, but she could have lied to you and said they were just all friends, so at some point it’s a trust thing.

youalright · 20/10/2025 17:20

At 15/16 she isn't being unreasonable but get her on birth control if she isn't already thats all you can do

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 20/10/2025 17:42

I wouldn’t mind her going for the shopping centre but not back to a house with no supervision. Offer for them to come to your house. If they don’t want to do that, I’d take that as a red flag. Encourage her to date, go to the cinema, bowling, to a cafe. Hanging around an adult free house would be a big fat NO from me. I’d tell her that you trust her but as you don’t know the others, you can’t give your permission to go to an empty house.

Original poster

MavisBarrel · 20/10/2025 17:44

hmm so I am not being over protective by the sounds of it. I don’t think I am worried about her having sex but I suppose everyone thinks that of their children. We have joked around about physical affection with him and her responses indicate that isn’t where they are at , they seem to still be getting to know each other .
I know the address and will be picking her up early evening.
food for thought I appreciate the input from other Mums , DH and I are not sure who else to talk to !

OP posts:

Original poster

MavisBarrel · 20/10/2025 17:45

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 20/10/2025 17:42

I wouldn’t mind her going for the shopping centre but not back to a house with no supervision. Offer for them to come to your house. If they don’t want to do that, I’d take that as a red flag. Encourage her to date, go to the cinema, bowling, to a cafe. Hanging around an adult free house would be a big fat NO from me. I’d tell her that you trust her but as you don’t know the others, you can’t give your permission to go to an empty house.

Think I will try to go with this.

OP posts:

JollyMintWasp · 20/10/2025 17:48

You're not being overcautious at all. It's normal to feel uneasy, especially with first relationships. Maybe suggest the shopping center meet first, then if that goes well, the friend's house next time, after a quick check-in with the parents.

RaininSummer · 20/10/2025 17:53

Shopping centre is fine but the unsupervised house visit will definitely mean sexual activity or pressure for sexual activity in most cases at that age.

NautilusLionfish · 20/10/2025 19:50

Wolfiefan · 20/10/2025 16:53

@NautilusLionfish Year 10 means 15/16 years old.
Offer them to meet up at yours?

Oh ok thanks. I was surprised by the post. Def at OP's place is better

North87 · 20/10/2025 20:04

I think it's good that your DD is so open and honest with you. At that age I would have just lied and said that I was going to a friend's house, and my mum wouldn't have had a clue.

Original poster

MavisBarrel · 20/10/2025 20:45

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 20/10/2025 17:14

We’re entering this stage as well, I think it’s good she’s telling/asking you about her plans.

I’m concerned with my DD she’ll feel she has to have a boyfriend to fit in, so I’ve worked on her self esteem and we’re talking about some of her friends who are in relationships and why and if we think they’re healthy ie still make sure they see their mates, don’t do anything sexually until they are absolutely sure they are ready and legally they’re not yet and how that could get them in to trouble.

I think I’d feel the same as you about them hanging around at another friends house as a foursome, but she could have lied to you and said they were just all friends, so at some point it’s a trust thing.

Thanks for the empathy too - it’s spring form nowhere as she wasn’t interested until recently but I spotted a mile off she had taken a shine to this boy and then encouraged by a friend she asked him out . I am fine with it in principle but then you suddenly get panic stricken and posts about contraception being needed are terrifying me !
I like the way you have positioned it all here.
it’s hard as she is currently open and I don’t want to shut that down but she does need these wise reminders !

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fromthechandelier · 29/11/2025 21:00

How is it going OP? I was searching for a thread like this as my year 10 DD is currently in the same boat. I've met her boyfriend who seems a lovely lad, and they take turns hanging at each others houses (with an adult in the house).

This is all very new to me too and I'm feeling very out of my depth.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/11/2025 21:05

OP just try to remember how you felt when you were this age.
Pushing boundaries.
Thinking you knew everything.
Thinking about sex most of the time.

It's essential that you talk to your daughter about contraception and consent, and safe sex.

She also needs to know that you can be approached at all times when she has questions or worries.

Sarahatherwitsend · 29/11/2025 21:16

We are just at this stage but my DD is 16.

If you remember back to when you were her age, what realistically could your parents have done to stop you? Nothing.

What you can do is make sure she knows her own boundaries, what she is and isn't comfortable with. Talk to her about consent and safe sex, stds etc. Tell her what she can do if she feels uncomfortable. Make sure she knows you will collect her at a moments notice if she needs it.

She is going to do it, whether you know or not. Just give her the tools to look after herself.