Fifteen year old always been left out by boys

[Threefurryanimals]

I have a smart, kind and emotionally intelligent 15 year old ds who is popular with girls both socially and romantically but has always been left out by boys. He went to a single sex boys prep school followed by mixed state. Always been the same. He really doesn’t lack social skills but he’s more gentle, empathetic and thoughtful than many boys. Still sporty though. It’s like there’s a code he just can’t read. He gets invited to big parties but not small group or 121 meet ups. No idea how to help though he will sometimes talk to me. Affecting his confidence obviously. Any ideas?

thanks!

Does he mind? I always think boys have to be so proactive as most of them seem pretty laid back/comatose in organising anything. Does DS organise any 121s or small group meet ups?

There are plenty of similar boys - it sounds as though he has not yet met his 'tribe' some children find their tribe at primary school / some on entering a bigger secondary school - some at university and for some it is not until they enter teh wider world...

What are his hobbies - are they ones which might make it more likely for him to meet more similar children?

you will also often find that the more 'boyish' boys who appear to exclude the quieter ones actually soon miss them when they are not there, because they provide a sense of stability and boundary for the child who is more likely to push against such barriers. it might in fact not be that he is not accepted, but simply that he is not yet old enough / mature enough to read all the signals.

it sounds as though he needs lots of support - but stick with it, he sounds wonderful - no need to change!

One of DD's best mates at school is like this. Gay and only has female friends. He was also at a private school before ending up with DD in gen pop!

He is a wonderful young man and will go far. And he says he doesn't mind. Does yours?

Everyone is different. One of my sons was deemed anti social . He was quiet in class and at parents evening I was told exactly that but he was happy in his bedroom mainly on his own despite having 4 brothers. He liked to code , work out chess skills but almost seen as abnormal. He went to Uni. Spent time afterwards in Equador and China on a teaching programme . Now married to an American woman with their beautiful baby daughter , living in their own home in California with a fantastic job this is just an example of how teens can be misjudged . I was relieved he wasn’t out causing trouble and he wasn’t causing concern at home .