Silent treatment?

[Brummy83]

Anyone else have an older teen who goes silent on you?
dd17 is struggling with a few issues at the moment. We have tried advising, signposting to help at college and tried to be as supportive as possible. Yesterday in the car she was upset and I listened to her and let her vent however she is now not speaking to me, ignoring my attempts at chatting and even ignoring me when I offer food etc. I know she is upset and fed up and I totally sympathise but how do I help her to see that this is making home life miserable. This has been a pattern for a few years where she will just go silent and miserable when something hasn’t worked out or she has to do something she doesn’t want to or someone has upset her and then after a day or so it just disappears. She comes out of it and it’s like it never happened. I just worry that this time next year she may be living with others at uni and they aren’t going to be as tolerant at her silent treatment as we are.
has anyone else dealt with this?

Silent treatment is a form of abuse. Don’t engage with it or chase round after her, carry on as normal. You are right that most people won’t put up with it and she’ll soon find herself outcast in social circles, maybe that’s the realisation she needs. Does she have friends now? Does she treat them the same?

I go silent when I am hurt or upset.

It isn't a tool I use to manipulate anyone. It's simply a response.

I take some time to digest what has been said/done that has hurt /upset me. I need a time to figure out what it is I'm feeling beneath the anger, which is my first feeling.

but I try not to respond to that initial "anger" and instead I try to focus on why I'm upset/hurt.

if I respond using my anger, then I've learned I just escalate the issue. If I take a little time to self reflect, I often come to the realisation of what is at the bottom of my hurt/upset.

so maybe your teen is using this? If so, congratulations, your teen is doing what Its taken me the best part of 70 years to learn.

@Runnyyolkplease - she has a small group of close friends and this relationship is stable and without drama so I presume she doesn’t treat them the same.

I guess she knows that if she uses silence as a way to punish her friends that she won’t have friends for long.
from what you have described (ignoring you deliberately) this isnt just your daughter taking some time to process her feelings. She needs to be able to communicate with you - I wouldn’t engage again without an apology or a recognition of her treatment of you.
I lived with an ex who did this to me for years, I used to tie myself in knots trying to get him to “come round” and be happy again. I couldn’t get my head around anyone doing this on purpose, it’s particularly cruel.