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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenage son telling lies to friends and teachers to make himself look tough

3 replies

Sickofitall92728 · 09/10/2025 16:51

My son has problems. Very low self esteem, possible adhd, possible autism, (awaiting diagnosis of both), ocd, demand avoidance .

Alongside this he was funny, happy, entertaining, a joy to be around, friendly, caring, sensitive, wouldn't hurt a fly.

Until puberty and a school change which has a large male population.
In the past 6 months he has started to play up in lessons and try to act tough /put on a bravado which is not real. He would never dare to say anything bad to anyone and if a fight arose he would be absolutely terrified.
He has told me he is doing this so that he fits in, and has chosen the bigger ,tougher guys to associate with almost for protection which I kind of understand. He's now started to get daily detentions, is sent out of class and is arguing back to teachers. This is all completely new behaviour!

He also started to do this outside of school and changed friendship groups from a longstanding group of lovely friends to basically a bunch of idiots. I knew this was very bad for him so we've put a stop to that. He doesn't see them and has to be home by 8pm and always is, hes never late back and always keeps in contact with me.

His head of year has rang me today to say he has told her infront of his friends that he goes out until 3am , we have no control over him and that he is well known to the police!! This is not true whatsoever!!! She said she knew he was lying and was only saying it to impress these boys . Why would he say something like that infront of a teacher?!!!

I am so mad with him and feel like he is spiralling out of control but its not the real him its an act!! Don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 09/10/2025 16:53

He’s doing and saying it because he wants to fit in and that’s what the other boys do and say.

it’s quite possible there’s significant bullying of the boys who are not like this.

teenage boys are brutal.

crappycrapcrap · 09/10/2025 16:57

i understand your worry but actually he isn’t spiralling, he’s home by 8 reliably.
I would be tempted to say something like stop showing off with an eye roll and don’t make it too big- he might enjoy the drama from you as well.

Sickofitall92728 · 09/10/2025 17:23

Thank you for calming me down. The bravado i kind of understand within a group of lads but it was said infront of his head of year ! I work in a school, I know the type of things that trigger safeguarding etc and this would be one of them and it is all lies! I have told him this to try and make him understand that lies can have consequences

OP posts:
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