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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year olds and alcohol at a party…

19 replies

resipsa · 29/09/2025 19:39

I know, I know, this is a topic which comes up again and again but I couldn’t see any recent (post 2022) posts about it so here I am. DD is 14, Year 10 and tells me frequently about parties where the host parents provide alcohol and other parents buy it for their kids to take. The host parents offer to mix cocktails. There’s vodka, gin and prosecco (not just WKD). Am I behind the times and/or uptight because there is no way I would provide alcohol to 14/15 year olds here or send my DD to a party with it? One of DD’s friends (14) got so drunk at a party at the weekend that she embarrassed herself (shouting for sex) then passed out and had to be collected early. WTF? How are parents ‘cool’ with this when they are actively encouraging the drinking? Do I need to loosen up?

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 29/09/2025 19:43

That’s too young to be drinking outside of home imo.

As far as I know ours didn’t drink at parties until sixth form

Original poster
resipsa · 29/09/2025 19:45

My thoughts too. I know they will experiment, I’m not stupid, but to start to show them that alcohol must be a key component of a good time at this age seems so wrong…

OP posts:
jollygoose · 29/09/2025 19:56

I don't think you're uptight at all. My DS is 15 and has never been to that sort of party. I would be horrified if one of his mates parents plied him with alcohol

GreyTS · 29/09/2025 20:06

I’m having a similar issue, DD16 was never interested in drinking, only now is going out to places where others are drinking and I wouldn’t mind her having 1 or 2 as she is so sensible. DD14 though! Apparently absolutely everyone else is allowed to drink, she was at a party last weekend and ‘everyone’ else was drunk and annoying but it would have been if she was drunk too. I don’t want her drinking yet, but I also don’t want her sneaking out or getting alcohol from someone else and being left in a vulnerable state. It’s so hard, and her dad isn’t much help, we are divorced, my DP backs me up silently but I don’t want to drag him into arguments and ruin his relationship with the girls so I feel a bit alone

magicscares · 29/09/2025 20:13

No way would I be ok with this. They don’t need alcohol at 14.

HarrietSchulenberg · 29/09/2025 22:49

I work with teenagers and quite often spend the start of my week unpicking the fallouts from weekend parties where alcohol has been either covertly consumed or openly provided. I don't hold parents who encourage teenagers to get pissed at their houses in high regard. They always seem surprised that things had gone wrong.

GlosGirl82 · 29/09/2025 22:51

Nooo - way too young. I’m relaxed about drinking generally but would not let my 14 year old drink. Besides, this is the choice of the child’s parent and not another parent to offer to your child

user2848502016 · 29/09/2025 23:11

My DD is this age and there’s no way I would be buy her alcohol to drink with friends, they just aren’t mature enough at 14.

MidnightMeltdown · 30/09/2025 00:01

I’m not sure that ‘letting’ comes into it with 14 year olds. If you say no, they find a way to do it anyway if they want to.

When I was 14 (admittedly a long time ago now!) drinking was normal. Parents would sometimes provide alcopops and there would be supervised drinking at parties. When parents didn’t allow it, kids still do it, but it would be more sneaky and unsupervised (i.e. stealing bottles from parents or finding someone to buy it from a shop). At 14 I could also get into clubs and bars, although I think that they are stricter with ID these days.

Mammaamiaa · 17/10/2025 01:41

There's a lot to unpack here. How much had your DD's 14 year old friend actually had to drink? If she got plastered and passed out after 3 bottles of 4% WKD while adults were supervising, I wouldn't worry about it. She's not your DD to worry about anyway. The shouting for sex is a bit of a worry, although we can probably be assured she's going to be a right goer when she's older.😆

If your DD is sensible, then let her have a drink or two at supervised parties. Either she'll like alcohol or she won't, and she'll either stay awake or she won't. I passed out drunk at a house party when I was about 15, and got carried upstairs and put to bed by my mate's mum. I was looked after, and it was all fine. Many of us did it back in the day, and it's deceitful to tell our children that we didn't.

Get your DD used to alcohol now before she gets to 17/18 when she'll start to have real peer pressure applied to her in social situations which won't be anywhere near as safe as her friend's house.

FindingMeno · 17/10/2025 01:52

This sort of stuff is more 16 year old than 14.
My rules was that for under 18's I didn't provide alcohol - that way if they brought it along that wasn't my doing.

Morningsleepin · 17/10/2025 02:07

Well the fact is that alcohol loosens our inhibitions and that could mean having sex.

Morningsleepin · 17/10/2025 02:07

Well the fact is that alcohol loosens our inhibitions and that could mean having sex.

FeeFiFoFummy · 17/10/2025 04:03

I have kids of a similar age. 14 no way. 16 started attending parties where alcohol was involved.

MycroftSholmes · 01/11/2025 23:08

Totally dumb idea to give 14yrolds alcohol. What do you think is going to happen? Honestly I’ve never heard a good outcome from this kind of thing…

Picoloangel · 01/11/2025 23:37

I have a 14yo and she is not allowed to drink. I know that some of her friends do. Fortunately she saw a girl vomiting profusely at a party and it’s put her off! Shes also v health conscious and sporty so she’s more focussed on her sport than getting drunk.

Fourteen is far too young to drink IMO. Kids that age are way too inexperienced to be able to handle the sort of tricky situations that can occur when drunk or even tipsy.

Freebus · 01/11/2025 23:44

Agree, too young for that sort of party.

When I was at school back in the Dark Ages a girl had a Bring a Bottle party for her 14th. I went but parents didn't let me bring proper alcohol.

I thought it was odd at the time tbh. Am sure the girls mum held the party to boost her DDs popularity.

Tryingatleast · 01/11/2025 23:47

14! Scary how young everything is happening now

Havenotdecidedyet · 02/11/2025 09:15

I’m going against the grain here and may get absolutely blasted but I’m one of the parents who allows drinking at party’s at our house. My DD is 14 and is allowed alcohol. As parents we rarely drink but did as teens. I started clubbing at 14 with my parents picking me up and it was never a problem. My DH didn’t start drinking until university but basically spend 3 years drunk by the sounds of it.
I picked DD up from a field around 6 months ago where I was horrified how drunk some of them were with their parents not having a clue about it. They were stumbling around, being sick, being propped up by boys they didn’t even know. So from then on I said they can drink at ours once a month as long as their parents bring and pick up (we live on a farm in the middle of nowhere)
a few parents stay the help supervise but Iv got to say, they have an amazing time, no one passes out, I try and make sure they all eat. There is usually around 20-30 kids here (more ask to came but I limit it to 30) so I know I’m not the only parent who is fine with it. They are lovely kids, all say thank you for it, some bring gifts for me. I think both dc and their parents are happy that it’s supervised and fairly safe. My hope is that it’s teaches responsible drinking

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