Hi, I’m looking for advice on how to help my daughter. She’s 17 and moved to a new school for 6th form. Her best friend from their old school also moved with her.
Her best friend has always been flighty, picking her up and dropping her when she feels like it so we’ve been prepared for this. At the beginning of this school year her friend has made a beeline for the ‘cool’ girls and spends more time with them now, but is still on good terms with my daughter. They often still sit together in class and she will sometimes spend time with my daughter when she doesn’t have others around because they don’t have free lessons at the same time.
My daughter has accepted that her friend no longer wants to hang out with her as much as she used to, so she’s been spending time with other girls she feels more comfortable with (that both of them have hung around with in the past). My daughter has no issue with this. However, she was upset that her old friend chose to invite all of my daughter’s new friend group back to her house one evening after school (even though the old friend doesn’t hang out with them so much now) but excluded her. She’s taken this on the chin and not said anything to anyone in school about it.
My daughter also discovered that her friend had set up a secret instagram account several months ago and had been sharing photos of her and my daughter on there without her knowledge (thankfully not horrible photos, but she should not be sharing without her consent). She only found out about it when the friend had started to invite my daughter’s other friends from outside school to follow it. She’d initially blocked my daughter from finding it until my daughter asked her about it. She made an excuse saying it was set up for friends outside school, but this definitely wasn’t the case because many of the followers are in school with them.
This week she’s discovered that her friend has been inviting people to her 18th birthday party in a couple of weeks time. No mention of this to my daughter, just all the friends around her plus the ‘cool girl’ group. My daughter is understandably upset by this. There is no animosity between them so she can’t understand why she’s been excluded.
I’ve always encouraged my daughter never to drop friends in that way (unless there’s a very valid reason to, such as bullying) but to bring new friends along with you because you never know when you might need them.
My daughter asked me for advice on what to do about this. She doesn’t know her new friend group well enough to talk to them about it. I’m not sure how to best advise her. If she says nothing she will completely miss out on the party. If she says something, what and how should she say it? As I’ve mentioned, my daughter accepts that her friend no longer sees her as a best friend, but that shouldn’t mean she’s excluded from everything?