Would you kick your child out?

[Mrsk498]

My son has just turned 18. Hasn't worked or been in education for 3 years despite us doing everything we can to support him. He smokes weed daily or drinks alcohol despite him having no money.
In January he was left for dead in an altercation over weed and was in hospital for 3 weeks. This stopped his behaviour for a couple of months but now he's back on the same path.
He hasn't seen his biological dad since he was 3. I've no family he can go to apart from an elderly aunt. I've a small child in the house too.
He goes to bed with a knife under his mattress and is in and out the house all day and night.
I've contacted mash, social services, escape line, drug and alcohol services, cahms the GP and he's had little involvement with any of them- they've done what they can for now. SS want him to stay in the home and for my little one to move out to her dad's again, We've done this 3x already when he's brought trouble to the house before and I'm not prepared to move her out again.
I love him but I'm enabling him and I don't think I have the strength to move him out.
I said let's go to the housing office together but he won't work with me.
I'm feeling really lost and full of guilt.
Thanks

No it wouldnt be unreasnable tp set boundaries. It may make him grow up. And your poor young child having to go back wnr forwards is not good. Im not sure how practically to do it, but perhaps give him a few weeks notice/ a month to sort something out.

Where would he go?
And it may be better for your little girl to go to her dad's and stay there for the foreseeable future - your house sounds dangerous for her and for you.

I feel for you, I really do. But you need to think about your younger child's stable life and your own health, not just your older son. You cannot have a young child exposed to drugs and knives in her home.

Firm boundaries as hard, especially when our young men seem hell-bent on ignoring them. If he won't go to the housing department with you, you may ultimately need to change the locks.

Thanks guys. It's really difficult. He's showing no signs of improving and I'm going to have to go through with it.

You could contact your local councils homeless department. Explain the situation, maybe then he will take you seriously and change his attitude

I would for the sake of my youngest child. Clearly explain why he can no longer live with you as it has been through his choices. I would offer assistance in finding housing etc but let him know that if he doesn't take you up on that offer he needs to be out in a couple of weeks and then change the locks if you need to. Sorry OP sounds like a shit situation.

Your younger child is being punished for their older brother’s behaviour.

Yes. My parents rule was work or study or move out. He not doing either of those things. Plus with the other behaviours it isn't fair on the other people in the house. He needs to contribute. I also think you're enabling him and that needs to stop

I'd find a room for him in a shared house and pay 2 months rent then ask him to leave. It's not fair on your DD to live with knives and drugs. I'd be telling your DS you love him and would like to invite him to have dinner with you twice a week but he can't live there anymore. Also how is he buying weed and alcohol if he has no money?

It sounds like he stopped going to school around the time your youngest was born & you have since separated from her father. So they might be things that affected him post lockdown. He sounds depressed & like he has got into a bad crowd with all the drugs & so on. Where is his Dad - is there any way of getting in touch with that side of the family? I would find it hard to kick him out as it’s unlikely he will be a priority for housing. Can you afford to help with rent costs?