Eating lunch all alone feels dreadful, I would also often avoid it and just cram down a sandwich whilst looking for some way of spending that long hour of lunch that didn’t make it so painfully obvious that I was totally friendless! Of course being totally friendless absolutely no one really cared about my pitiable status but I felt o stuck out like a sore thumb everywhere o went.
Does she truly need extra exam time? It sounds like she is fine academically and it doesn’t sound like the pastoral team are convinced there are additional needs that need to be explored from what you say. Making her get assessed for additional needs so close to GCSEs may be adding to her worries?
I am not unsympathetic as I had a terrible time at school being bullied within my friendship group and then “dumped” and widely ostracised in Y10 and Y11. For a period of time I had no friends at school, no one to eat lunch with, nowhere to hang out at break or lunch. My school had no pastoral support at all so I had to handle it entirely by myself. Same thing happened with a handful of girls in my year so I don’t think it’s uncommon.
The reality is some of us are not great at making and keeping female friendships, we don’t fit in for one reason or another. Female groups can be cliquey and few will want to pick up someone else’s rejected friend.
It’s a very painful realisation, but she will find friends of one sort or another again and it will be fine. For now though it is going to be horrible going into school every day, and I feel for her. I developed an aloof attitude to everyone and everything, and pretended no one could get to me. I threw myself into schoolwork and did fine. At home in the safety of my room, that’s where I’d melt down - I was utterly miserable for a long time but I coped. It’s surprising what you can cope with; it changed me as a person permanently but it didn’t destroy me.
So I have got over it as an adult - I have female friends now, I don’t keep anyone close because old hurts still remind me that women are often not kind and inclusive. But I enjoy female company and I live a happy and fulfilled life.
Does your dd have anything/anyone to fall back on outside school? Fortunately I did have one or two mates outside school, and I think that saved me from complete despair.
Your dd presumably didn’t tell you about the cold-shoulder incident because she is utterly mortified by it. Imagine admitting your saddo status to your watery-eyed mother - makes me shudder. Saying it out loud and getting hug and reassurance might have helped; but she probably didn’t recognise that. I certainly didn’t tell my mum what a horrific time I was having at school, there is no way I’d have shared with her. She went to her grave not knowing, in fact.
Your dd is completely right to move for sixth form. A fresh start will help and is something to cling on to.
Try not to worry too much yourself - maybe a long regular walk with dd in fresh air would help the communication; it’s easier to open up when you’re out and about and the conversation feels less intense.