SD starting college

[TheWeekOnTheDalymountSeat]

Hi mumsnetters,

Some advice on teens starting college.

SD started last week, did well in GCSEs, just secured her first job starting next week, too.

DH mentioned over the weekend he is conscious he needs to give her an allowance for college, for buses, lunch,
socialising in general.

She gets free lunch at college through her mum, but has to fund the bus at £2 each way. Appreciate she will want to go out for lunch with her friends, and the college canteen isn’t going to be her choice every day.

DH pays for her phone, child maintenance and I’ve recently spent £300 on new (warm) clothes for her. She’s had two abroad holidays this year, and wants for nothing - and importantly is a great kid.

But…AIBU to have just said to DH I don’t think an allowance is needed, she already has £300 in her bank (birthday money) prior to getting to her first payday. Part of her growth and having a job is to fund things for herself, she is now a young adult. Attending college 3 days per week, and soon to be working 15 hours per week at £9p/h, paid bi-weekly. I wouldn’t expect her to spend birthday money on bus fares, but different when she’s earning around £500 per month.

Or am I just old, because as a teenager once I had a job, if I wanted to treat myself to lunch, a new pair of jeans, etc, I paid for it for myself using my wages from my part time job? If I needed to get the bus, I paid the fare? My parents didn’t give us money for getting through college, though if she heads off to uni she will no doubt need some support.

Is he being the soft touch here, or am I being an old boot about this ‘allowance’? I don’t want to go to war with him over it, but any outside views welcome 😊

I don’t think her wages should pay for daily necessities personally.
also she may need to give up the job if her studies are demanding.
we have our DC an allowance when they were at college.
if she need £4 per college day for bus, maybe another £2.50 on top of that?

So in our household - we pay for the "basics" and that includes money for transport to school, lunch money, books/stationery etc for school, school appropriate clothing and sports kit etc. That's your responsibility as a parent. You should need to work in order to afford college!

Treats such as cinema trips, eating out with friends, clothes that are more for going out get funded from birthday money, money from jobs etc - but we also give her a small allowance on top that she can either use or save. She saves about half of it. It's part of learning to be an adult - budgeting and saving.

Thank you both, I can see his point more clearly now there’s some differing perspective here. I feel like a misery and am going to make myself a cup of tea & cheer up!!

Socialising with friends I would suggest she uses her own money for that from her job, same with any clothes she doesn’t actually need just wants and any treats. I would pay for bus fair and lunch money

At sixth form I'd say it's reasonable to still give an allowance for travel and food etc. She isn't an adult in a full time career.

Obviously it depends on finances but I think to pay her bus pass and give her £50 a month on top for other expenses would be alright?

Presumably she will start paying board once on full time work. But she's still in education. It's great she's secured a part time job but it won't be paying much after tax.