Teen son refusing to go to the dentist, what do I do?

[Pleasebehave92738]

My kids are registered at a dentist , are called for checkups every 6 months and we have always attended their whole lives.

My son has beautiful white teeth, not a mark on them but for some reason they are very weak. He is 15 years old.
When he was little he couldn't have dairy for 4 years so im not sure if this has anything to do with it.
He has already had multiple fillings and a tooth crack in half. These were only picked up on x rays , the dentist says they look hollow inside but perfect on outside. They are very negative with him when we go and he doesn't like how they speak to him.

Last visit she said he needed 4 fillings , all very deep and he will need sedation. If that doesn't work, root canals and maybe the teeth out at some point. They have referred him. These teeth look perfect on the outside

He is absolutely refusing to go saying that he is sick of having things done every 6 months and when he gets pain he will have the treatment but they are not bothering him currently.
What do I do? On top of that hes now said hes not going to any more check ups. And from when hes 18 he won't be going at all unless a problem.
He is bigger than me , I cant physically drag him in there and force his mouth open. But have a duty of care as his parent. Any advice please?

@Pleasebehave92738 - the first thing that sprang to my mind was Gillick Competence. Basically this says that a child may be able to consent to or refuse treatment - this is the AI overview:

Gillick competence refers to the ability of a child under the age of 16 to understand and consent to their own medical treatment without parental consent, provided they have sufficient intelligence and understanding of the treatment's nature, benefits, risks, and alternatives. This principle stems from the 1985 Gillick v West Norfolk and Wisbech Area Health Authority case and allows for a child's autonomy in medical decisions, but healthcare professionals must ensure the child fully grasps the implications of their choices.

Key aspects of Gillick competence
Understanding:
The child must comprehend the proposed treatment, its purpose, potential consequences, risks, and alternative options.

Capacity to consent:
They must have the capacity to make their own informed decision and express their wishes.

Best interests:
Even with competence, healthcare providers must still act in the child's best interests and involve them in the decision-making process as much as possible.

How it is assessed
Healthcare professionals evaluate a child's understanding by asking them to explain their rationale behind their decisions and whether they are happy to discuss their treatment with their parents or carers. The assessment considers the child's age, maturity, and mental capacity.

Looking at this, I would say it is likely that your son is Gillick Competent, and that you have met the conditions surrounding it, so would not get into any trouble if he refuses dental treatment, and there are subsequent problems.

When he starts experiencing the tooth pain he will be begging you to take him to the dentist don't you worry.

I carefully curated a set of youtube videos on fillings, root canal work and dental implants that I played to my children they understood that if they didn't look after their teeth in the long run they would need filling, if they got gum disease the gum will shrink and the bone is also affected.

I think with your son I would do this too, get the videos all ready to go so that he can make an informed decision. Tell him that you want him to be making an informed decision but he has to know what he could potentially be exposing himself to. Cost wise, look up the treatment costs for him and have that ready to show him too. if he cannot afford it then he will have missing teeth because they will either fall out or he will have to have them out.

Show him photos of people with manky teeth, horrific tartar build up etc.

This was news 3 days ago, new NHS dentist opening because dental treatment is so expensive.

www.itv.com/news/westcountry/2025-09-08/hundreds-queue-for-hours-as-nhs-dentist-takes-on-new-patients

Hi, can I ask how this turned out? Did he get treatment in the end? My 15 year old son is the same, if not worse! He's had an infected tooth for years, started as a crack which turned into a hole he kept getting filled but it just decayed so much and infection set in so the dentist said it has to come out. We have tried about 10 times now over 3 years to get it out, every time he freaks out and gets aggressive so they can't do it. He's currently at the hospital with his dad right now as he was supposed to be getting it done under sedation, well he wouldn't even get in the gown or take the pre med!! (He freaks out at the cannula going in so they were giving him a pre med to keep him calm) He's 5"10 and a big boy, we can't restrain him anymore so there's just nothing else we can do!!! I'm so worried about the tooth, it's in a bad way and I don't want the infection to spread 😞 I'm at a loss now and think all we can do is just leave him to it and hope one day he will do it (probably when it gets really bad). Although he's had a few massive flare ups with it and being in agony and that still hasn't pushed him to get it out!!! It's so frustrating and I feel so helpless 😞

He will lose his NHS dentist if he doesn't go for check ups

I would find a new dentist with social skills! Your DS needs a dentist who he can build a better relationship with him. He’s at an age where image counts and if his teeth look good the incentives to engage in treatment may be reduced.

He must feel like he’s being criticised every time he goes when much of his problems are not his fault. Of course he doesn’t want to go. Can you phone around to see if there is a more empathic dentist or even switch to another in the same practice?

I swapped dentist when one spoke to me & 7 year old DS in a very judgmental way as I didn’t want my DS to be spoken to like that. We were told he needed a filling and they queried his diet. He didn’t like sweet things rarely had fuzzy drinks, sweets, cakes etc no UPF and cleaned his teeth properly. My other DS had the same diet but more sweet stuff no issues and was a nightmare at cleaning his teeth. Moved dentist, no filing was required and the dental nurses and had chat about dental hygiene etc. Much better experience.

My DH has great looking teeth but they are weak, probably genetic as his mum has issues too. He had a lot of teeth taken out when he was young & subsequently avoided the dentist for years from a late teen. He now has regular check ups & dental hygiene appointments but I think the gap of having this for 15-20 years has exacerbated some of his problems.

It is hard to persuaded teens from 15 to do things they don’t want to especially if there is no obvious problem to them or pain - they don’t have that longer term view. Another dentist might be better able to engage him and be a bit more holistic and teen friendly.

Ops son has already left a previous dentist as OP and son thought the dentist was being over zealous in prescribing fillings , they have seen a new dentist who now says ops son needs more treatment , they have now been referred to a third dentist for treatment under sedation .

The main thing is they have to make the lifestyle choices that are causing the dental problems . For the vast majority of people there is no such thing as weak teeth , other than a few , rare , syndromes . Otherwise the cycle of continually needing more treatment will continue .

unfortunately this does mean accepting treatment needs to be done now , but if you make changes , little treatment will be needed in future.