Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

is it right to not report historical abuse of ds

2 replies

atmywitsend1989 · 07/09/2025 11:09

ds and I have been talking a lot recently.. about him starting college recently and his upbringing and the possibility of starting family counselling. yesterday after we went shopping he confessed that he was abused by my ex husband but didnt want to tell me for a long time because he thought i would attribute his sexuality to this. i wont go into details in case this could hurt an investigation later on but he hasn't seen his dad in person for years. Social services are involved for other reasons and have agreed to the possibility of reconnecting him to my ex husband ( they know that he used to physically abuse me when they asked me his dad's details and what our marriage was like), its something he's only shown an interest in these last few months. my ex husband is abroad but comes to the uk sometimes. son claims to have text communication with him but he hasnt responded to my latest message which really makes me wonder if he's only speaking to my son and refusing to speak to me. i havent tried to contact him since the accusation

my thinking is.. I should tell his social worker at least but hes telling me not to because that would trigger a police investigation. we've had a rocky relationship and i don't want to hurt his trust. i had to hold back from telling my brother / his uncle because he would kick up a big fuss and everyone would talk of it,

he is 16.. a child but a young adult too, he has more independance now. we've worked very hard to build the trust between us. ive barely been able to sleep because of everything else going on these last few months but this has made me physically ill. im so angry at his dad

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 07/09/2025 19:14

You mustn't betray his trust because you've worked so hard to build on it and he doesn't need another parent letting him down. But why doesn't he want to get the police involved? I think you need to get to the bottom of that first. There are really good resources on the NSPCC website in terms of how to talk about and report historic abuse: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/non-recent-abuse/

I'm so sorry for you and your son, this is awful news. But you have each other and with your support and encouragement he can reach a better mental place in terms of how he processes what has happened and move forward.

atmywitsend1989 · 08/09/2025 01:54

i spoke to a hotline for parents today. I said that he asked me if I care and why I didn't report and the person suggested that he may be testing me to see if I care enough to report . i dont know what to make of that.

he won't say why he doesn't want police before but hes had the police called on him before and isnt a fan. part of me wonders if its that

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page