What would you do?

[Sweep3]

Step DS 15, sent a message to a girl at school also 15, 2 months ago stating that “I want to touch your g spot so hard” he then said “can i” she said “NO” and he said “oh well I’ll do it anyways” she said “that’s rape” he said “even better”
There have been a few other messages back and forth stating he will show or things or discussing what he is doing to himself down there.
Since we found these we raised it with him and his birth Mum and the only real result was that he changed his phone passcode so we can’t see any more- so it could have stopped or could still be happening

Tonight his birth Mum has allowed him to sleep over at the girls house - his Dad - my OH was not consulted about this. This girl has SEN needs and SDS also has some non diagnosed MH issues. Usually he NEVER wants to sleep at anyone’s or have a friend sleep. Never ever has he had any sleepover except with grandparents.

Would you let this go? Or deal with it somehow potentially meaning we lose him from coming here?

I would be doing everything I could to find out where he is and go and get him. He has alluded to someone who you state is vulnerable that he will rape her and he now has the opportunity.

If you haven't done so already , you need to find a way to contact this girl's parents and go and get him. Not doing so would potentially make you complicit in whatever happens to her. Your step-son also needs significant psychiatric help

We tried - OH spoke to Birth Mum and she said when it’s her time she will do what she wants and she agreed to the sleep over.
it’s not that I think that he would rape her but I think that they both are spending a lot of time together - until late a night usually and I think that they together both will do things, previously I’ve seen messages from both of them explaining what they were doing down there and what they would do to each other. I think it’s wrong but us raising with him and birth mum resulted in him blocking access to his phone and turning off find my iPhone that we have for all the kids. OH thinks we will now lose him and he won’t want to come to ours any more so ultimately either that will happen if we cause a fuss or we just allow stuff to happen! Not sure what is the best answer.
the girls parents are friendly with his birth mum

What's wrong with the girl's parents? I mean letting a boy sleepover with an underage SEN teenager.

No you (or rather your DH) needs to speak to the girl’s parents, not your DS’s mother! And is the boy throwing a strop about staying with his father really trump a possible assault? Your DH needs to get his priorities straight.

I don't think there's anything you can do OP. Like you said, you don't want to risk a breakdown in your relationship with him.

The sleepover has been arranged with consent from a parent of each of the teens. What else is needed?

You mention SEN needs of the girl, this could be relevant or not depending on the specifics. Could be ADHD and therefore not relevant. I'm sure the girls parents have considered the relevance of her SEN needs.

The only thing you can do is talk to him about safe sex and also the legal implications of the types of messages he is sending. He could get in serious trouble if someone decided to make a complaint about his messages.