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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

University applications

20 replies

HollyhockDays · 05/09/2025 15:40

DS is going to go to university 2026 all being well. He has excellent grades and is thinking of studying law. However, he is totally disinterested in visiting any universities. He says he’s going to apply to the local university and I think he will probably go there. DH and I would prefer at least if he looked at other universities, we think he will get a better and more fulfilling experience if he moves away from home, even though I will miss him dreadfully.

I’m not sure how much “managing” to do of this. I’ve sent him some details about the open day at the local university but he doesn’t seem interested.

He has no desire to go to any of the other open days for places he is vaguely interested in. I just can’t imagine him going to university somewhere else when he’s never even visited the city.

Should I just leave him to it?

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 05/09/2025 15:49

The first question to ask yourself is: whose life is it?

I know that's flippant, but he's got to have his autonomy at some point.
If he already has his grades he's 18?

If he wants to stay local, he is old enough to choose that. If you're happy to continue to house him, then staying home is an option he's going to consider. If you are not willing to house him, you need to state it.

What you could do is encourage him to talk much more about why that course, why there, what he thinks he's interested in doing afterwards. You can explain to him that parents always want to open up the options for their kids, why you just want to make sure he knows you'll support him to look at all possibilities - but you can't force him to see things the way you do.

Be wary of persuading him to do something he doesn't want to do, as he may drop out with loans to repay.

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 15:50

It’s early op
lots of open days to come
park the discussion for the time being

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 15:51

He will save a shed load of money by going locally and presumably living at home?

either way… very early so just park it for a bit

Snorlaxo · 05/09/2025 15:54

Is your local uni any good ? Do you live in a city where he can get work experience easily? I’m not familiar with law but don’t future stages require training and I imagine a city having more opportunities.

Is he easily pleased?
Does he like where you live atm?
Does he plan to live in halls?
Does he make friends easily? I’m wondering if he’s scared about leaving behind a gf or some friends
Did you school do any trips to a uni? My dd didn’t go to a local uni but had seen one as part of a school trip and online (YouTube has loads of videos)

verycloakanddaggers · 05/09/2025 15:57

It isn't really early for 2026, application deadline is January.

BirdBathSpaNowOpen · 05/09/2025 15:59

I think this would be better suited on the Higher Education board where all things uni are discussed. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/higher_education you can ask MNHQ to move it if you want it there.

However, I will say that his reluctance to even visit the local uni he intends to apply to is slightly worrying. This will be a place that is costing him over £9k to study at. He needs to at least see the place. Uni is very different than sixth form/college and I am surprised he isn't curious.

I would contact his sixth form and talk to whoever is over their UCAS applications. I know people will say it is early but I am sure open days are running now and into October.

Does he have friends or a girlfriend or a job he doesn't want to leave behind? Does he make friends easily? Staying at home for uni is a different experience than going away.

Is your local uni a good uni? Does his grade profile match their entry grades?

Higher Education Forum - University & Degrees | Mumsnet

Discuss everything related to university and degrees in our higher education forum. Get help choosing universities, loan applications and more.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/higher_education

Ihaveausername · 05/09/2025 16:19

Make sure he has a back up plan if he doesnt get a place at that uni. Manage expectations

Original poster
HollyhockDays · 05/09/2025 16:30

No girlfriend. He’s outgoing and has lots of friends but I do think he would get homesick. He’s familiar with the Uni in that he’s spoken to the course rep at a schools careers event and he goes past the Uni on his way to school. It’s a RG uni. He is predicted 3As.

All of the open days seem to be in the next couple of months / weeks.

OP posts:
Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 18:11

HollyhockDays · 05/09/2025 16:30

No girlfriend. He’s outgoing and has lots of friends but I do think he would get homesick. He’s familiar with the Uni in that he’s spoken to the course rep at a schools careers event and he goes past the Uni on his way to school. It’s a RG uni. He is predicted 3As.

All of the open days seem to be in the next couple of months / weeks.

Presumably money saving will be a massive factor in going to local uni and living at home?

Original poster
HollyhockDays · 05/09/2025 18:18

Money would not have crossed his mind! But it wouldn’t be an issue anyway as we can pay fees etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyhockDays · 05/09/2025 18:18

So I don’t think he’s picking home Uni for any financial reasons.

OP posts:
Piggywaspushed · 05/09/2025 18:24

To be honest, this is what lots of Scottish , London, overseas and NI students do.

If the local uni is good, I wouldn't sweat it.

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 18:31

HollyhockDays · 05/09/2025 18:18

So I don’t think he’s picking home Uni for any financial reasons.

Well it would be odd if that wasn’t a factor given it’ll be saving him thousands of pounds

RainbowBagels · 05/09/2025 18:43

My DS is looking at uni in 2026 too. We have a local University that's really good and a course that he likes, but if he goes, he can still live in halls. It's possibly a bit of a waste of money but it will give him the uni experience even though he's going local. If money is not a problem for you, then I'd leave him to it or at least leave him to stand and fall on his own decisions. If he wants to do Law he will have to do a postgraduate qualification/ training anyway so could move away for that when he's a bit older. Are his friends moving away? He may think his social life will continue if he stays at home but it won't if he's relying on his friends staying around and they all move away.

RainbowBagels · 05/09/2025 18:47

Also, are you and he sure he wants to go? Maybe suggest a gap year?

Daisy12Maisie · 05/09/2025 18:51

I never went and looked at any uni’s because I didn’t have the money to travel there. I just picked one and went there. It was an hour from home as I wanted to live away from my mums house. I had an amazing time. It’s all about the friends you meet rather than where you go. I went to Cardiff which does happen to be a good uni but that’s not really why I chose it. My 16 year old can’t be bothered to look round unis as he wants to do a competitive course so he will have to go wherever he can get in rather than where he likes the look of.
So I think it’s fine for your son to not be interested. He can put 5 choices.

My brother went to a uni that looks like an absolute dump. Not known as a good uni. (I won’t name it in case I offend people) but he earns a lot more money than I do now and he met his wife there. So I don’t think it really matters where you go.

Original poster
HollyhockDays · 05/09/2025 19:02

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 18:31

Well it would be odd if that wasn’t a factor given it’ll be saving him thousands of pounds

Show quote history

He won’t be paying so I honestly don’t think it’s crossed his mind!

Re gap year I did suggest that but he’s not keen. I think his friends are a mix of going away / staying at home.

OP posts:
YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 05/09/2025 19:08

You say it’s a good RG uni….where does it sit in subject rankings? I believe law is one of those subjects where lots of people study it at uni but there are very limited training contracts after uni. So it’s one of those courses where the actual uni can really make a difference to job opportunities- presuming he wants to work in the field after uni?

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 19:31

HollyhockDays · 05/09/2025 19:02

He won’t be paying so I honestly don’t think it’s crossed his mind!

Re gap year I did suggest that but he’s not keen. I think his friends are a mix of going away / staying at home.

Show quote history

So in that case Op

he must really want to stay local and remain at home

you need to respect that op

if it’s a good RG uni then 🤷‍♀️ leave him be

plus some of his friends are staying local too so not exactly a lone wolf

Delphigirl · 05/09/2025 19:33

What is the uni? And I can tell you about its rep for law

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