17 yr old not in until 5, how to handle

[Workhomework]

So I'm up as 17yr old DS has only just come in. I had asked him not to be late as I'm back at work tomorrow with new class and its a big day.

He also let his phone run out of power at 4.

I'm furious at the lack of respect but thinking back to when i was that age I was out a lot.

How to handle? Am I OTT?

Also wish me luck for the new class with hardly any sleep!

Hmm, did you have to wait up? Is it the first time he's done it? My DS is also 17 and basically comes and goes at all times. I just ask if he's staying over somewhere to send a text so when we're up in the morning we know not to expect him to be there. But he's pretty sensible and very nearly 18. I wouldn't have been happy with this when he'd just turned 17 for example

And sorry, much sympathy for the new class on little sleep! I don't sleep very well most of the time myself and I only ever have to face a computer in an office, having to be 'on' all day as a teacher must be very hard!

He's only just 17, I know me not sleeping is my issue though. He's the youngest of his year so all his mates are the other end of 17.

Going to be a very long day

I would explain to him that you worry because you care, and it would be helpful, and respectful if he could give you a clue when to expect him home. You aren't policing him, and it doesn't matter what time he gets home, but you just want to know he is OK.

Staying out until that time without a text to say ‘I’m staying out later than expected’ isn’t good. Everyone in my house has to follow that rule- just a text if plans change and you’ll not be coming home.

Hope today goes well for you. I had my new classes yesterday and I came home feeling battered 😩

I have one of that age. He's never done anything like that before - he isn't great at proactively telling me his plans but we have life 360 and I check where he is before I go to bed and text him and he always replies. If he didn't come back until the small hours without telling me I'd be pretty furious because I'd worry. He's not an adult yet and he lives under your roof so he needs to follow the rules!

Tbf I knew he was out late, but expected 2. At 4 he messaged to say was getting breakfast at McDonalds. This is all a huge learning curve.

For now I need to get my game face on for work and I'll deal with him later. Pass the coffee

The problem is where his birthday is.

I have summer and autumn birthday kids. We look at the number but it the school bracket that matters more.

There is a difference between a child that turns 16 in September and is doing their GCSEs and a child with a August birthday who is 16 for the whole of year 12/first year of college.

They grow up differently because of their experiences. So he is nearer 18 in experience than 17 despite the actual age.

It isn't easy though. We know more about what and where our kids are than our parents did, I'm still not sure it is a good thing.

Good luck today

I asked my 18yr old to use ife360 just so I could sleep at night. It seemed the most painless way to do it so she didn't feel I was encroaching on her life to much. Generally she was always back by 2ish and I just found the occasional check in helped me. She puts up with me doing it now.

In fairness he does have life360, its a learning curve i guess. I'm shattered now though!

I have this issue too in that my son has just turned 17 and is the youngest in his year. A couple of his friends have already turned 18 since 1st Sept! It’s a tricky one, my son is very sociable and out at parties a lot etc. There has been a few times over the last year where he’s come home VERY late/or v early and the only reason I know vaguely where he is is because I track his phone. He’s been a bit better lately and usually tells me if he’s staying out. I don’t think they mean to worry us, they just don’t think! I don’t sleep well either when he behaves like this and he just doesn’t get it! 🫠