Neglect?

[Mikis]

I need som guidens and I hope someone here Can help me. I am not from England.
I am a single parent, divorced from childrens “bonus parent” 3 years ago. Unhappy marriage, not the point here, just giving background. 2 children, boy 21 and Girl 17, they have not seen their dad in many years. Bonus dad dropped them when we Got divorced.
Son was abusing drugs from 15 to 17, got in rehab, clean and studying now, Living 5 minuts from daughter and me.
This is background. The “problem” is with daughter and me. I know she has had several shitty years, she had a lot of therapy and is doing well in School and with friends. Mostly we get along very Well, all 3 of us and she and her brother is also close.
but she sometimes is so mean to me. And it hurt a Lot. Today the dinner i made, was not to her liking and she screamed at me I was a crap cook and she would not Eat it. I have been compensating for the divorce and her brothers difficulties and have been doing everything at Home, Down to cleaning her room, Washing her clothes on command, cleaning kitchen after her etc. i know this is my own doing.
I have disability and is not working and so she Think this is fair As all I do anyway is “lying on the couch all day”..
anyway to the point -is it fair that i stop? I am so fed up doing dinners she dont Eat (im on wegovy and just Eat chicken and green for dinner) and I feel she is old enough to either appreciate I cook for her, or do it herself. The same with washing clothes etc. she Think it is neglect as she has such a busy day and I do fuck all, all day. I cant talk to her about it, she simply cant see she is unfair.
advice?

I would cook her dinner and if she doesn't like it then she can sort something out for herself. Do not react to her tantrums. Grey Rock! With laundry my 16 year old dd does it on the weekend when she is less busy. There is no reason your daughter can't do the same. I would start giving some repercussions for her rudeness. No more phone, allowance, lifts anywhere etc until she can learn to be respectful. If she is going to act like a spoilt child then she will be treated like one. Sending hugs OP, I know it is hard.

Thank you.

Tell her you are having etc for dinner,if she doesn’t want it tell her to get her own.all the best to you xxx

I’m also unwell and my 17 yo dd also thinks I’m her slave. I have just stopped doing the washing for her. During Easter, I told her that there was no excuse, she was off school for the duration and could do her washing. That I could help her if she likes. She did 2 loads. Then argued mid week she wasn’t going to do any washing, tried to badger me into doing it.

Last weekend (week 2), she complained she was running out of certain clothes. And I shrugged and asked her if she wanted some help with the washing. She did.

We are week 3 now. There is a serious pile mounting up. We change her bed fortnightly so she’s got that to do this week. I’m anticipating more pouting and possible tantrums. She can’t possibly do it apparently. She has A levels. But thinks she will be able to look after herself no issue next year if she moves away for university.

She’s also old enough to be cleaning her room. I wouldn’t be introducing it at the same time as above. But do the same sort of approach as above. My dd is supposed to clean hee ensure, I have a cleaner, who does her bedroom.

As for food, I’ve only ever done what dd eats because she wouldn’t eat it. I focused on expanding what she would eat voluntarily. Dd as a child would rather not eat than eat something she doesn’t like / want. So it wouldn’t be appropriate. But I’d do: ‘We are having x tonight. Do you want it or are you going to sort your own dinner out?’

How are you all doing now @Mikis?