I could really use some advice. My son is 19, in his second year at university, (2 days per week) and works about 16 hours a week at a café. He gets a student loan of £900 per month and makes £200 a week from his cafe job. While I understand he’s juggling uni and a part-time job, I’m finding it really hard to deal with the fact that he refuses to help out around the house. We are currently paying for his car and his mobile phone and I only ask him to contribute £100 a month towards it and the rest is his to do as he pleases.
It’s not just the lack of contribution—it feels like there’s a level of disrespect and laziness that’s getting me down. I’ve tried talking to him about pulling his weight and being more considerate, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. He pulls himself from bed ten minutes before he needs to leave, stays up all night, then sleeps for hours after he is home from uni or work. I have had no car this week as mine is in the garage and he has refused twice to take his younger brother to school for me on his days off.
I don’t expect him to do loads, but basic things like helping with chores, tidying up after himself, or just showing some responsibility would make a big difference. At the moment, it feels very one-sided, and it’s wearing me down emotionally.
Has anyone been through something similar with their older teens/young adults? How do you encourage responsibility and respect without constant nagging or arguments? Any strategies or approaches that worked for you would be so appreciated.