Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Wasted £200 on dismal day out

25 replies

stripycats · 30/08/2025 00:13

This is a bit of a pity party so excuse me.

I've just had a depressing and expensive day out that has brought home to me that my sons' childhoods are over and I am so sad about it. They are 16 and 18. We drove 2h 30 mins to the coast. Got there at around 1pm, ate meal deals on the beach. Walked around 1 hour along the beach to a small town that does lovely ice-cream. I walked in the sea and they walked together. As soon as we arrived it started pissing down and we didn't have coats. Spent best part of £100 in one of those outdoors shops that sells raincoats reduced from £200 to £70.

We then went in a cafe and spent a bomb on hot chocolates and cakes instead of the ice-cream. Then walked back along the beach to the car - it had stopped raining. It felt like a very long walk and took nearly twice as long as on the way there. They walked in front and I fell further and further behind - I was so tired. It started to feel symbolic of the point we are at in our relationship - them going off ahead and me behind. Which is totally how it should be but it felt so sad and the walk went on forever. Then we got to the car and drove home - we would normally have fish and chips but timings had gone wrong due to the cake so we didn't. The sun was out and on another occasion I would have driven along the coast and found somewhere else to eat when we were hungry but I just had no energy. In the car they slept - like toddlers again but not.

It's so sad. We have been on a lovely holiday this summer. Once back in the country we've not done much as they obviously want to see friends and their dad, but they were both keen to go to the coast today. And they didn't do anything wrong or complain about anything. Usually we enjoy chatting on walks and if they do go off ahead together it makes me so happy they get on and I'm happy to daydream, but today it just felt so tiring, pointless and depressing. It's the end of the summer (I'm a teacher) and it was the last summer of its kind as ds1 is off to uni. So that's it - maybe the last time we ever go to the coast, at least for a few years, and it was crap.

I told you it was a pity party...

OP posts:

FrodoBiggins · 30/08/2025 00:16

Ah bless you OP. I don't think their childhoods are over. They'll always be children around you. I'm 39 and I regress when I go to the beach with my mum still!

I think if the sun had been out all day you'd have had a different time. Which while annoying means it's nothing fundamental about your kids or your relationship, just the British weather being the British weather.

shellyleppard · 30/08/2025 00:21

@stripycats sending hugs x it was my eldest sons birthday yesterday. He went out with his friends and I just stayed home. Time is marching on x

GoodOnPaper · 30/08/2025 00:22

Oh I feel for you. As you're saying - it sounds like the anticipatory feelings of loss with your oldest moving out and knowing that stage of life is coming to a close, coming together with that end of holiday gloom if you're going back to work/school, end of a beautiful sunny summer (and could it be hormones not helping too?). Sounds like you have two great sons who you've done a great job with and it's normal to be sad that things are changing and one is moving out to uni. A new stage is coming tho' with new opportunities and adventures. I'm sure there will be more beach walks together in your futures....

stayathomer · 30/08/2025 00:29

Op it’s just one bad day. I’ve a 16 and nearly 18 yo and I regularly think this and want to drag both in on everything and I feel sad and then they come down and ask if we’d like to do something etc etc. but I get it. Also you didn’t waste that much money as there’s now raincoats they can use x Give it a try again/ have a poker/ board game night, but maybe just try not to force it to be what you’ve done before- it’s ok to get new traditions/ memories ( note this is the rational part of my brain speaking, the other part of my brain wants to make a list of old traditions and get on them!!!)

Pandorea · 30/08/2025 00:32

It’s really lovely that they wanted to go to the beach with you. If it had been sunny it probably would’ve been a different experience. I expect they’ll want to go to the beach next summer - the uni holidays are long.
Two of my sons are around those ages and my middle one is off to uni soon too. He and the eldest were looking at uni stuff and I was looking too but then they just went off to the eldest’s room to continue. I felt a bit sad - old and left out. I am glad they get on but it’s weird not being needed in the same way as before. I do miss them being small and climbing all over me - not forgetting what hard work that is.

MeganM3 · 30/08/2025 00:35

Really nice that they both wanted to go with you and eachother 2.5 hours in the car to all spend the day together. A compliment to you OP, at that age they have their own lives and while quite nice your traditional trip doesn’t sound all that fun for a 16 or 18yo. They were clearly there for you and memories of their childhoods.
I hope mine want to spend the day with me and their sibling when they are late teens.

Thats a long drive, not surprised you were tired. All the best for the return to school.

Namechangedagain999 · 30/08/2025 00:54

You are so lucky that they love you

ChillWith · 30/08/2025 00:59

Not a pity party at all, just a day that didn't pan out as you planned. I bet a few years from now it'll be one of those days you all look back at and laugh about. Good luck to your boys and to you for new starts and back to school

CornishTiger · 30/08/2025 01:02

You did well to have so many hours with them- class that as a win!

Enjoy them whilst you can even if it didn’t go your way plan.

tobee · 30/08/2025 01:14

I thought this would be a "I spent £200 on a theme park/theatre trip/whatever for my teens and they were rude and moany and monosyllabic" type thread!

Instead you all sound really nice and comfortable with each other with good relationships. They are relaxed enough to walk and chat to each other. I'm pretty sure they'll come back to you in the university holidays too!

It's a funny time of change at this time of year and you can feel it won't be the same but they'll be a new normal soon that will seem familiar soon enough.

It doesn't sound like you wasted the money anyway; those coats were needed even though it's an annoying and unexpected expense. You'll use them again huh?

Perfect days out when we're planning them often don't quite live up to expectations. Then something you didn't plan at all or even want to do is better than expected. Swings and roundabouts!

TammyJones · 30/08/2025 06:33

Agree pp @tobee
not the thread i expected
you have lovely sons.
my son left home 9 years ago
went to uni for 3 years, in which he joined me for holidays, came home regularly and kept in touch regularly , which he still does. and , apart from covid one year, is always home for Christmas.
We had a chat this lunch time while I was on lunch.
yes it changes but I feel your 2 lads will be the same

HadInuff · 30/08/2025 06:42

Yes that’s sad.

On the other hand: long treks on sand in the rain were always hard work weren’t they? It just sounds to me like you were too tired to keep up and they set a licking pace.

I took my kids (6 and tween) to Charmouth fossil hunting and I had to carry the little one back across the beach because he had had enough. Absolutely exhausting! Then once he’d recovered his energy tween ran off to chase waves and 6yo followed and got all wet, and I had to change him. Don’t over romanticise the past!

PermanentTemporary · 30/08/2025 06:49

I’m also extremely impressed that your teenagers hung out with each other and you variably for long walks and meals with apparent pleasure. Ds and I have had memorable times together and I feel happy with our relationship but I’m afraid he would just have said ‘no thank you’ to a day like this!

From this I think you have given them a wonderful upbringing and no wonder you feel sadness at your eldest moving to the next stage. I was in absolute bits the first day I took ds to university. The day after was fine…you will get there.

PermanentTemporary · 30/08/2025 06:49

DramaLlamacchiato · 30/08/2025 06:55

It doesn’t sound sad, it sounds fine. They sound nice kids and well behaved. Although I don’t think walking for an hour each way to get an ice cream is worth it personally I’d have never done that when mine were small. Mine are 19 and 17 so similar age. I don’t find it sad. Kids grow up and become independent. It’s what we raise them for. It’s nice to have the memories of what it was like when they were small but equally I found a lot of it hard and relentless so I don’t ever really pine for the old days!

LottieMary · 30/08/2025 07:26

How gorgeous that they get on so well. They’re now well equipped for the weather and have a funny memory of how they got them.

why on earth would t you go to the coast for a few years?! Uni holidays are really long and weekends exist. My siblings and I are 30s/40s and see each other all the time including usually a weeks summer holiday together

Crimblecrumble1990 · 30/08/2025 07:27

Nothing about this sounds dismal? Totally understandable feeling sad and nostalgic that they are growing up but the actual day sounds fine to me. Did you ask them to slow down a bit as you were getting tired? They sound fab that there was no moaning and they happily spent the day as a family which I would think unusual for some teenagers.

LegleEagle · 30/08/2025 07:29

Hmmm. They were rude OP to leave you behind. I would have said Oi, hold up! No wonder you felt a bit sad after trialing behind them with no company.

VeryStressedMum · 30/08/2025 07:38

The fact that they actually went on this trip with you means you’ve done a great job with your sons. Also that they walked together and chatted they have a good relationship with each other, whenever I see mine all talking and laughing and spending time together I feel so happy nothing comes close.
They sound like great boys, it most likely wasn’t their ideal day to go to the coast with their mum but they went to spend time with you and didn’t moan all day.
It didn’t go as you’d hoped but most things don’t, so in the circumstances it’s sounds like it went alright.

ChanelBoucle · 30/08/2025 07:41

Ah op, try not to see uni as the end. This summer we’ve been on holiday with our DDs age 19 and 21 - dd1 is at uni and still very much part of the family when home.

I’n sorry you had a shit day. But at least you’ve got some coats to show for it!

Ontheedgeofit · 30/08/2025 07:42

Sorry OP. Oftentimes things are often romanticized in our heads and the reality ends up being a bit disappointing. Kudos to your kids for going along in the first place, not many teenagers would do that.

But yes, things do change as they get older but there is still joy in the growth and movement as you all find yourself in new ways. It’s just different, not bad or sad.

Mayflower282 · 30/08/2025 07:48

It sounds like grief is preventing you experiencing any joy atm.

PigletSanders · 30/08/2025 07:52

Why are you so tired @stripycats?

Frenchcremefraiche · 19/11/2025 08:55

Sending hugs.

I had the same recently. I had a day out doing something my 15yr old loved but he was so bored and he said (kindly) that he is a bit old to do this with his mum now. I think he was as sad as me about it.

It means that you've done your job though. You dont want them clinging onto mum unless you're me, and you never want them to leave and you want your relationship to develop. They will always be your babies and you'll always be their mum.

It isnt the last time you'll go to the seaside together and this time it was about the weather as much as anything else.

BingBongAvonNotCalling · 19/11/2025 19:26

Took my youngest 16yo DD to the beach for the day in the summer and she slept on the beach, sand flies everywhere, she was tired having finished her exams. It was cloudy and rained a bit. Walked into the sea then walked out again. On the fun fair for 4 rides. Ate fish and chips is get busy cafe. No gift shops open. It was so different to how it used to be. She was fed up, I was fed up.

But in Aoril we’d been to Butlins for a week and had a great time.

Only a few months between each but a massive difference. It’s sad but it happens

Flip