Me time

[LucyLLou79]

My oldest son now almost 20 lives with me full time. He gets on ok with his dad, speaks to him regularly and meets up a couple of times a month. He never wanted to stay with him as didnt want to live between 2 houses.

He can be difficult at times, nothing bad just typical teenage stuff, lazy, unhelpful, attitude etc and at times treats me with little respect. I find the constantness of this hard to cope with as I get little support from his dad due to a very strained relationship. We are extremely different people.

I have often felt the need for space/time out from him but struggle to get this, and it all gets on top of me. In addition lately I have started dating someone (very early days) and I have realised I have no 'me time' in the house. This factored in with the need for time out for a mental recharge I asked my son if once a month I could get a day/night yo myself at the house for me. His reply was I am sooo selfish++ but I dont think I am asking too much. I am supporting flexibility with the day, he has his dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles and lots of friends that I allow to stay here often.

Am I being unreasonable asking for space once a month? (Other times needed I am happy to be the one going elsewhere) I am starting to get really resentful of his selfishness and lack of consideration of my needs, both relationship wise and for my mental health. I am mentally exhausted and fed up with having to explain/justify me need for a bit of me time.

I think it is totally reasonable. Does your son work and pay rent? If my adult child was not pleasant towards me I would ask them to change their attitude or move out.

Can kind of relate to your situation op. i have 2 teens and no me time whatsoever. mine do see their dad a lot but never stay over at his. Mine are the same with their lazy, unhelpful ways and attitude. They dont even like to engage in conversation with me. Im just here to provide meals and clean washing.
Ive also recently been asked on a date by a man that I really like but ive not been able to arrange a date yet as i want to keep it quiet from my dc, they will not be happy with me having a new man in my life and I cannot be doing with the agro it will cause. I feel like my dc are stopping me from having a life.
I just dont know what to do.

I think you’re asking for the wrong thing. It’s his general attitude that needs to change, not for him to him to give you 24 hours alone a month. This isn’t normal teen stuff, he’s 20, not 14. He’s had 2 year of being an adult and should be well past this.

He needs to do his share around the house and treat you with respect. When he does that, then I don’t think it’s right to ask him not to live in his home for a day a month, but if he doesn’t change, he needs to get his own place.

Tell him to move out
But don't move in the new man without proper financial set up

There is no way on this planet where I would allow my adult son to get away with this. I’d be telling him, not asking him! Does he pay his way?

If you share a house with your family/DC it's highly unlikely you'll ever have it to yourself for 24hours.
I don't think you can ask him to vacate his home for 24 hours once a month.
I used to get the house to myself for 6hours once a week it was bliss!!
I now rarely get the house to myself ever but it is joyful when I do!
I do see it may be difficult when you are in a new relationship thou, what is your new partners living arrangements? Are you able to spend the night there?

Do you not get any time alone in the house when he’s at work or out with friends @LucyLLou79?