ADHD?

[Notsureaboutthis34]

My DD left home to start a very good job 2 years ago. She got good a level results and the job she got was very competitive.
her manager commented that she can be impulsive and sometimes makes mistakes. She also says she doesn’t organise herself as well as some of the other trainees.
when she was at home she went through a stage of terrible lying when she was younger which according to the clinic was a sign of ADHD. Generally behaved very well at school. She decided to have a private ADHD assessment ( she didn’t want me involved in the assessments)and has been diagnosed with mild ADHD and is talking about starting meds.
There is undiagnosed neurodiversity on both sides of the family but I am really surprised about her diagnosis. I know adhd can manifest in different way but im concerned thus diagnosis isn’t correct. She won’t listen if I question it. I don’t know what ( if anything) to do.

Girls /women present differently to boys / men with ADHD, there’s a huge amount of research that’s been done over the last few years as there were so many going through school, work and life undiagnosed.
However, I would be concerned about ‘mild’ ADHD, as there are two types, and combined, I’ve not heard of ‘mild’.

It’s quite common and I think you just need to accept this as she’s seen a professional. Perhaps support her, tell her she can ask work to send her to occupational health for an assessment to ensure her work are supporting her correctly with her diagnosis. It’s a disability and she’d be protected by employment / disability laws if her condition makes work more tricky for her

I would NEVER have thought my young adult DD had ADHD a few years ago, but when she started suspecting it I started researching it and making notes of all the clues that came to mind in her earlier life, I ended up with three pages of notes which went into her formal assessment and she did receive a diagnosis, by that time I could see signs left, right and centre.

Why are you concerned it isn’t correct? What specifically doesn’t seem right to you? As that might be a good place to start. You recognise neurodiversity in the family, you must know it’s highly heritable, so it’s not even come out of nowhere.

Mild adhd isn’t a thing. But I have a diagnosis of predominantly inattentive adhd and recognise traits you’ve mentioned in your daughter. Also if there is undiagnosed neurodivergence in the family it is quite probable that your daughter inherited this.

TBH I'm not surprised she won't listen if you question it, and didn't want you involved in the assessment (it is normal for parents to be involved even for adults) because why would she when you clearly don't believe her concerns to be valid. It is vanishingly unlikely that the assessment is wrong. I think you need to accept it, do some more research and then support her, it won't have been easy going through this process without that support.

Suprised they didnt ask you about her past, usually they ask for a parent or someone who knows the person well to comment about the persons past to make a fully knowledgable diagnosis.
That said there is no such thing as “mild adhd”. It doesnt exsist.

When getting a diagnosis of ADHD, they will inform you of the severity of it too, so yes 'mild' ADHD is a thing. My child was diagnosed with ADHD with a severity of severe. The reason for giving the severity is to indicate the degree to which the symptoms affect the person and their daily functioning, its also helpful to know the severity for treatment options.

My son wasn't diagnosed til he was 13, I thought he had ADD from about age 9 but was laughed at by a teacher which put me off getting an assessment. Distraction was his only symptom, and lying about stupid needless things. He sat still at the assessment which took 2.5 - 3 hours and was very patient with the psychiatrist. There were uncontrolled impulses too, not awful but I won't go into them. He had a diagnosis of ADHD, not knowing much about it at the time I didn't realise the hyperactivity can be in their head/thoughts etc. They're also prone to a bad memory, basically because they don't concentrate enough to hear everything. The lying is generally because of the impulse thing, they act on it so quickly it's like their brain hasn't even recognised they've done it.

My daughter got an ADHD diagnosis as a young adult, and I was also a bit sceptical because like your daughter she is very high-achieving. But a trial of ADHD medication put any doubts to bed. It has been life-changing for her!

Your daughter is an adult so not much you can do apart from trusting her medical professionals.

This is why I haven't told anyone in my family about my ADHD diagnosis. She's seen a professional OP. Despite what the media wants us to think, diagnosis is based on extensive forms with tonnes of free text (I had to fill in 8 and it took me three hours), and usually a long conversation (mine was 1.5 hours), and the fact that people usually wait months to years for a diagnosis tends to imply that there are significant issues that made them bothered to be referred. See what effect the meds have and just be supportive in the meantime. Never question her diagnosis.

My teen's been struggling too, and we’ve tried a bunch of things alongside meds. One thing we looked into was cbd for ADHD, after hearing it helped some with focus and sleep. It’s not a cure or anything, but for us, it took the edge off during really bad days. You do have to check it’s safe with whatever meds they’re already on, though.