Money and vaping

[clamshell24]

Ds is 19.5, barely a teenager. He's a student, we pay his rent and sundry extra sums as he hasn't yet been able to find a job. (I have pressed him hard on this) AIBU to grumble or even withhold extras when I see him spending on vapes? He resents it. I'm just not sure how much freedom I should leave him to spend, obviously I can't stop him, but I could be less generous.

I wouldn’t be funding vaping just like I wouldn’t fund alcohol. My parents always had said they would pay the basics but if we wanted to go out drinking, get takeaways etc then we would need a job for that. Both of us have worked from 15 or 16, both now in our twenties and home owners as a result of having always had to work if we wanted something.

Stop being his bank if you resent what he spends on, he can get a job. You’ll be surprised how quickly he can find a job when he actually needs money.

A 19.5 year old (assuming no SEN etc.) should be working to fund luxuries. In our household this means that we as parents provide basics (food, basic toiletries, an allowance for basic clothes, a basic mobile phone (refurb iPhone that’s a few years old) and SIM only contract, sports fees and equipment for established hobbies, essential transport, education costs, pay for them to come on family holidays / days out and a small amount of ‘pocket money’). This funding continues until they leave education.
Luxuries include ‘posh’ toiletries, social travel and days out with friends etc, alcohol / cigarettes / vapes, nights out, higher end clothes / trainers because they want them rather than need them, expensive phones or data contracts, gym memberships, subscriptions for music / movies outwith what we subscribe to as a family etc. They need to earn their own money to fund these.