Daughter overwhelmed at own sleepover

[Whyaminotmovingon]

just that really. She is a teen and has 3 friends over as a sleepover. She has ADHD and autism but is able to make relationships. She does have anxiety but has been away with school and really seemed to enjoy it. So I’m wondering why she isn’t able to cope with 3 friends over? I know the parents have all made arrangements so I can’t send them home! What do we do to help her cope in this situation! Her friends are neurodivergent in their own way but dd is going through a real anxious stage.

Make them all hot chocolates with toppings?

suggest a film?

order in pizza as a distraction?

It’s very different having 3 friends overnight, in her own space. I would give her the option to sleep on her own in her room, with the others in a different room.
Knowing that she has that option might mean that she doesn’t need to use it. It also means that she can put all her energy into enjoying herself for part of the evening, and then be able to decompress later.

I would ask them to make a camp in the lounge or a spare room. Put on a movie. Take her outside for a breather and ask her what you can do to support her fully. She may not know. Structure the rest of their time, so she has a plan. Make an end point both to the parents of the dc staying to her.
Worst case. Press the cancellation button and say it’s too much this time ( make them dinner) and you can reschedule. They will understand. Wait a few more years.

Maybe some quieter activities so it’s not too overwhelming? Film, crafts?
Would she feel better if they did something outside the house in the evening and then home to just sleep so it’s not noisy/chaotic In ur house if that’s a trigger.

So would I. Set them up in ‘neutral territory’ and take her aside for a while.

Agree with pp. Ask her what is overwhelming about it for her. Maybe she needs a 20 minute chill by herself and then would be in a better place to rejoin or something simple like that. Hopefully you can make it work for everyone. Good luck.

When my autistic daughter has more than one friend over at once she gets really stressed trying to keep them all happy at once. @Nestingbirds and @Littlefish have good advice.

My daughter can’t deal with it either. She says it’s to do with her lack of space and not being able to escape. She’s happy to go to other peoples houses because she can leave, having them to her makes her feel trapped.

Reassure her that its going fine, and that she is handling it well, but in future it should be one friend at a time, and that you are proud of her.
Agree with previous posters about setting them up camping in a neutral room such as the lounge

Doesn't really matter why she's overwhelmed.
I'd suggest she needs a bit of space by herself to calm down.
If they're in her room, bring them out and set up sleeping somewhere like the lounge so she can use her room as a quiet space again.
Keep the noise down if you can. Put a film on, get them doing a calm activity if possible.

Her social battery has drained. It’s likely she was faking it for a while and is now struggling. You need to figure out how to help her. It could be they watch a film and chill or she may need to go to a different room and regulate . She could say she’s not feel great and needs a break.

Agree with the above, let them camp out downstairs with a film and duvets and then if your DD needs to escape to her room she can, either for a bit or to sleep.

For my daughter (13, autistic) the pressure to sleep while others are there is too much. We just reassure her that she doesn't need to go to sleep, and I will sometimes call her out to "help" me with a job. Reassure her that it's just one night. Mine would never ever let me send their friends home - she would see this as me betraying her and her failing enormously, so my job in this situation is to help her retain the mask and remove all demands for tomorrow so she can lollop once they've gone.

Thanks! We survived! They were all sleeping in the lounge anyway. She was crying in her room for 30-45 mins. Went back down and back in her room. Eventually they opened her presents and listened to her favourite musical and served dinner which finally did the trick. They all went for a late night walk as well! Don’t think many of them got much sleep but dd finally joined in. I hope she’ll be up for it again at some point. She worries about not knowing what to talk to them about but it’s like doesn’t matter! I was happy she’d finally plucked up the courage to ask them over (she’s not had a party in years due to her anxiety).