How much time do you spend with your teens?

[jmh740]

My youngest is 15 and spends most of their time in their room. We've got into a routine of everyone in their rooms watching TV on their own and I dont know how to change it

When mine were teenagers they've helped in the business, otherwise no pocket money. You got to develop a lifestyle which includes your children

Kids don't have resources to tell you how the family lives, you hold the resources, so they just follow you. Chose wisely

You've done it right

TBF it was like that when we were teens, surely? Just we were listening to music or reading or watching telly in our room something, it's not really a new thing although in some ways it is harder now because everyone has their own screen - I never had or wanted a bedroom TV.

We seldom watch anything on TV together, although DH and DS (14) are currently watching Stranger Things, but we do try to go out as a family. It's harder with oldest (17) as they are always doing a lot of volunteering and social stuff.

Right ok …

I think I spent a fair amount of time with my parents as a teenager. We had things we watched together like HIGNFY, we played cards, we always had dinner together and there would be a lot of chat during that, and I didn't have a tv or computer in my room so was downstairs a lot of the time otherwise. And I would hang out with my mum, we would go to the opera together because I was going through a phase where I thought I was cultural and classy

My ds16 has spent a lot of time this summer out with friends, and yes, a lot of time in his room gaming / watching TV. To be honest, we haven't done a lot as a family over the holidays apart from going on holiday. He's happy doing his own thing and despite my mum guilt I've tried to step away and leave him to it rather than trying to enforce family fun!
However, at the moment he is building a shed with Dh and tomorrow we are going to IKEA together, which bizarrely is the one thing he said he wanted to do. I think it's about listening to what they are interested in and trying to get a balance.
In term time we eat together as often as possible and spend a lot of time driving to/from sport, but in the summer it's all been a bit more free and easy.

We eat together everyday. Especially at dinner. 15yo and 18yo (9yo and 8yo too). I take eldest out for driving practice too so that's once a day most days which gives us a chance to talk and makes him feel valued.

We don't watch much TV in the living room together though. Both teens regularly go to gigs with DH.

Everyone's experience with teens are different, none are wrong or considered right. As a mum an single parent am close to my son. He is very mature and have taught him boundaries.

My DS is 14 and dances every night. Therefore I see him straight from school and we quickly get tea some nights and then take him to dance - finishing around 9.30 pm. Other nights he has to take tea with him or eat when he gets home so evenings is mostly about taking him somewhere and picking him up after. At weekends it is a rare occasion for him to be in his room. On the whole he gets up and doesn't go back there until the evening unless it's to get something. He might occasionally sit in there for a while. He has a tv and sometimes watches it before he goes to sleep but not in the day. Anything else is done downstairs. There's no rules. It's just the way it has turned out. On the whole, because he has another sibling in the house, he likes to be where she is or at least know what's going on or he feels like he's missing out.

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Meal times are a non negotiable and family game nights once a week and no separate socialising on week nights. You’ve got to get to know your teens as people and like them and have them know you. It’s a new dynamic- go with it, not against it.

Make your company a place they want to be.

DS is 13 and is very firmly ensconced in his bedroom as his default - we eat together every evening and he helps me cook though. He will say no to every outing suggestion but ends up loving it and great company when you push him to come along. We now have started playing Mario kart / Mario party after supper and it’s really lovely time to hang out together. He refuses to watch any tv with us as he likes subtitles and to fast forward boring bits, but loves the cinema. Escape rooms are also very popular (but expensive!) He would rather walk the dogs alone with headphones in, but likes it when we all take them somewhere like the beach or on a bigger walk. I think it’s a normal part of development, i spent hours in my room reading and listening to music as a teen.

Mine are a little older 19/21, but since they were in secondary school we have had a weekly lunch date on fridays, just the three of us. It's probably my favourite part of the week day. Now I work, it has moved to Friday dinner, but we still do it ❤ Sunday is Sunday roast, and we all gather around the dinner table and eat as a family, again a favourite time of mine. All other meals are taken as and when people are awake, off shift etc so we don't tend to eat together.
Weekends are nice, with the kids willing to join us on our adventures-yesterday was a boat trip, other days it could be an evening of star gazing, or driving up into the mountains to find our favourite waterfalls.
They enjoy playing board games, and have in the past couple of years gotten into d'n'd, which they play with their friends and then invite me to join in.

My son is 14 and we only speak to each other about 30 mins a day.
During term time mad rush in the morning to get ready and out, when he comes in hes straight out with friends, we have evening meal whilst hes still out. When he comes in he eats , showers then plays on his console.
During the holidays hes been sleeping in late- out with friends all day , again misses all meals, comes home when it goes dark, shower, console, bed.
He has told us he only wants to spend time with friends and not do family activities anymore. He says we are too boring and strict.
Have tried to force him but he becomes moody and spoils it so im just leaving him to it now. He has a great bunch of friends all into fishing , biking , football etc and they spend all their time doing that. Hes very active where as we are homebodies

My 14 year old is wearing matching t shirts with me today and has spent all day with us all (we're visiting family). She has the opportunity to go into her own room and isn't taking advantage of it. This is amazing.

We have dinner together every day and lots of random chats, plus lots of alone time as we all like that too.

I’d never force it, but I try to listen and be there when needed. Apparently dd’s friends like having dinner at ours because of the chats and conversations. So I think it’s quality over quantity, one good 30 minutes together beats hours of making everyone sit in the same room