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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

6 replies

Chell79 · 08/08/2025 12:44

I have two children aged 14 and 13. They both play for football teams and are doing well at school. Yet they are so anti-social. At their age, I was always out with my five good friends. I am an independent, self-sufficient person who likes filling my life with interests. Their father is the same, even though we are divorced.

Today I took them to a football event they saw that all the children were younger. They refused to join in, we came home, and they have gone back to being in their rooms. I worry about their lack of social connections. I always ask them to call their friends and go out with them. Along with encourgaing them to go down to the local park and kick the football around. Which they haven't.

If I am not there, either booking something or I'm with them. They do nothing, and it worries me, as it's not through a lack of encouragement for things they can be doing. My ex-husband is pretty useless if I try and discuss things with him, I feel powereless to know what to do. They don't tell me they are bored, yet I just want more from their lives than them sitting in their rooms alone.

OP posts:
HappySummerDays · 08/08/2025 12:45

Presumably they are gaming or online in their rooms?

twistyizzy · 08/08/2025 12:47

Teens today are very different from how they were. I saw a great quote saying that in our day a punishment would be being grounded, today's teens would love that and a punishment would be to force them out.
They lived through the isolation of covid etc and have online, rather than real world, communities.
I'm not saying it's right but we can't apply what we did at their age to them.

Withdjsns · 08/08/2025 12:54

My DC was like that as a young teen but now older they are always out. I don’t think it’s something you can force to be honest but you can limit time on consoles

junkmaail · 08/08/2025 13:04

I was like this at 13 & 14. I only really started being more independent at 15. They may be a bit to young to think about organising their own social life, especially if you’ve always done it for them. Maybe just carry on gently encouraging them but don’t put too much pressure on them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying your own company though. Lots of people enjoy a quiet life.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 08/08/2025 13:08

DD is like that, she’s perfectly happy at home, in her own company or with me , just mooching about. She also tends to get “peopled out” very easily and is not really a joiner. It bugs me , until I remember that I also had long period like that as a teen , just holed up in my room, reading a book (or ten).

waterrat · 08/08/2025 23:32

I think thr key question is why they find their room so attractive and compelling over other things ?

If they are reading and drawing or learning instruments id say leave them to it

If they are gaming or scrolling tik tok then that is the issue to tackle as its addictive crap

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