Holiday with other parent

[VividGreen]

I'm new here, need some advice. My 15yr old son sees his dad fortnightly and two week long holidays a Yr. My son made me aware he was going on a golf tour for a week, no problem there, my son let slip a week before going he was going on his own with people from his golf club, knowing one person (not very well). Am I wrong to be angry and upset that he didn't tell me? My son literally said I'm with my dad so you don't need to know. He lives with me. All I asked was where he was staying, who was responsible for him, and do they have my contact details in case of emergency. His response was you don't need that information. I said I would have to contact the golf club. I asked if he had an email for the person taking him, he said yes but I don't legally have to give it to you. I went ahead and contacted the golf club, who understood my concern and passed my email to person involved. Next my sons dad rings my son(ob been contacted by golf club) having a go about why he told me. My son then gets mad thanking me for making things difficult, I got so worn down I asked my son to sort his tea (plenty of food in house,he knows how to cook) my son sites the law to me that I'm abusing and neglecting him if I don't cook. Then hes on the phone to childline! Some advice support be much appreciated.

Well dad is clearly in his ear giving it that old ‘you don’t need to do everything your mum tells you’ etc etc. alienation 101. Take some teenage angst, fuel it instead of shutting it down like a sensible parent would and use it to drive a wedge between you and DS. We have this ALL the time from my DSS’s mum snd step dad. You then become bad cop with your boundaries and your reasonable wanting to know roughly where your DS is.
all you can do is calmly hold your line. Explain that as his parent, regardless of whose week it is, you have every right to know roughly where he is and what he’s doing. Not because you are being controlling but because you love him and for your own peace of mind as his mum. It’s not to stop him going. It’s to know where he is in case of emergency etc etc. And leave it at that.
when he has stopped being a teenage arse (hopefully) he will realise what’s what.
it’s bloody hard meanwhile though.

Thank you, I was questioning myself if I was really that unreasonable, my son really doesn't understand I need basic information an his dad really causing a wedge between me an my son. I explained as a parent I need to know but he doesn't get it. We normally have a strong mother son bond it's so hurtful when my son doesn't tell me such things. I explained it's because I'm his mum and care but his dad tells him I will try an stop him going, it's cost however much ,she doesn't need to know etc. I did get angry trying to explain, was embarrassing having to contact the club for information my son had but wouldn't share. It's a regular occurance and really got to me this time, my son not been away on his own before an to think he wasn't going to tell me really upset me. I overheard his dad on phone to him telling him to stay calm an I can't stop him going outside, I asked my son to go to his room to stop arguing with me not that he was housebound! My son saying I want authority over him when I'm being a parent aren't I?

You are not being unreasonable....stay calm and sensible as you are. I hope the Childline person gave your son a reality check.