I don’t even know where to start and I’m sorry if this is in the wrong place. I’m at breaking point and just don’t know what to do anymore
My 14 year old (biologically female, came out as trans at 11) has just been getting worse and worse. I’ve tried to be supportive, used he/him, called him my son etc even when I get it wrong I always try. Dad isn’t really around much but when he is he just lets them do whatever they want, no rules or anything. Just gives in. I think he thinks it’s being supportive but it’s not helping at all
He’s been violent to me a few times now. Proper scary stuff. Screaming in my face, calling me every name under the sun, throwing things and pushed me more than once. He’s refused school since before summer even started. I’ve tried everything I can think of. On top of that he’s got an ED (anorexia) and self harms a lot. He’s barely eating and he hides the cuts but I’ve seen them. CAMHS say they’re involved but nothing is happening. Just waiting lists and the odd phone call and then nothing again
The latest is I found out he got testosterone gel off the internet while he was at his dad’s. I didn’t know anything about it until I noticed his voice changing a bit and at first I thought he was sick. Then I found the gel and took it off him last night and he went absolutely mental. Screaming at me, saying I’ve got no right, said it was his and his dad ordered it with him so it’s not mine to take. Said I had no business touching it. Then hit me again and threatened to run away
I just feel totally powerless. I didn’t even know they could order that kind of thing online but apparently his dad helped him do it. I didn’t even know they were talking like that. Now he’s going on and on about how I’ve stolen his hormones and I’m not supporting him. But how can I just let him take something like that without a doctor involved? He’s only 14. I’m so scared he’s doing damage to himself and I feel like no one is helping
He keeps doing reckless stuff, staying out with people I’ve never met, says he wants to die, talks about not wanting to live like this anymore. I don’t think he’s just saying it for drama either, he’s really not well. I’ve tried calling crisis teams and GP and everything but it’s just circles and no one takes it seriously until something awful happens. I feel like that’s what we’re heading for
My older son is 18 and just keeps to himself mostly. I don’t blame him. He doesn’t know what to do either. It’s just me dealing with all this and I’m absolutely at the end of my rope. I feel like I’m living with a stranger who hates me
Would I be awful to try and get him sectioned? I don’t even know how you do that or if it would help. I’m scared for him but I’m scared of him too and I hate myself for even saying that. I don’t want to ruin his life but I’m afraid he’s going to ruin it himself if no one steps in
Sorry this is so long and messy. I probably haven’t explained it right. I just don’t know who else to talk to anymore