Single mum of teenage son

[louisamw]

Hey everyone.
I have a 16yo boy and a 5yo girl.
Have just left the family home with the boy as we split up. Son and stepdad didn’t get along. Stepdad rules were extremely harsh and as a result, resentment built. Stepdad had no feelings for him and vice versa. He’s an emotionally cold person and lacks empathy. My views were not taken into consideration and there was no compromise on how I wanted to bring him up. There were times when it was bullying and my boy was isolated. He even suggested me moving back in when my son had left home.

Anyway, now we’re without a man in the house, my son is enjoying his freedom and seems to think there are no rules. I am planning on a talk about boundaries and how he can support the household but my anxiety is through the roof.
Feel my life is a mess and am questioning my choices and constantly rolling it round in my head.
I have my daughter 50/50
Anyone been in similar boat? Any advice?

Be honest with your son, open up to him, explain openly that you want to be the best parent you can be, and that involves making rules. Tell him how much the relationship matters to you. Tell him you want to hear his input, and will take it into consideration, but in the end, as the adult, you might decide that what is best for him, and what he wants, might not be the same thing

16 is difficult, because you cant actually stop him doing exactly what he wants, at this age, including walking out, if he chooses to, pragmatically, it has to be getting him on board, convincing him you are on the same side, taking his ambitions and hopes into consideration, reassuring him of your love and commitment to him

Explain to your ds that you made a mistake bringing that man into his life and that you regret it. Your ds will be feeling hurt and it will potentially have impacted on your relationship with him, his current behaviour might just be a reflection of that. Explain that now life will be easier but that any people living under the same roof need rules, consideration for each other and boundaries. Try and make him feel you two are a team working together for a happy life.