Is it normal to worry so much about teens?

[Someone2014]

I have agreed for my twin boys to go into our local city tomorrow with friends. They are traveling by train. 30 minute journey. The plan on going bowling, having lunch and looking in the shops before getting the train home.

I am sick with worry. They have never been on a train alone and they have only been in the city centre a few times over the years with me and their dad.

they are 14. Do you think this young? Or am I being over protective?

They'll be absolutely fine.

What worries you about it?

They will be fine and there quite old to have never been on a train alone or into town.

At this age mine were doing a 20 min train journey to school and back every day. They then walked through the city centre to get from the train station to school (usually stopping at the shop to buy junk food).

it’s quite old not to have been shopping in town/on a train on their own.

i assume they have phones so they can call in case of any problems.

I was worried sick too, completely understand. They’re 30 and 22 now. Both unscathed. Overwhelmingly, crime figures suggest yours will be, too. (They’re generally much better nationwide than they were then.)

And I’m a mum who’s just spent the afternoon walking around the area that my youngest is buying their first house in, so I’m probably seriously over-protective 😁

They are sensible boys but the city like most has its issues. I worry about others rather than them. I know it is good for them, develops independence etc. but does not stop me worrying.

Of course it doesn’t.

Which city is it?

Glasgow

They’ll be fine. My son was travelling on his own in London at that age - we lived outside London but he’d travel up to meet his much older brothers somewhere. Two of them together - no problem.

It's natural to worry as your children take more steps towards independence - but they will be together and they will figure it all out. It sounds like a very reasonable day out without any risky elements.

They’ll be fine! I don’t worry about stuff like this but I worry about a myriad of other things with my teens!

You’re a parent and it’s normal to worry because you love them. Just keep perspective that kids are doing this sort of thing every day and they are absolutely fine.

My oldest is 21 and I still worry about him despite him being very sensible. My nana told me that once you’re a parent, you’ll never not worry! It does get easier the more they do it though as both you and they will gain confidence.

I bet they will have a great day!

It’s normal in my experience but you do get used to them being independent.

My boys have always been good about being in touch at regular intervals. Write your mobile number on a piece of paper for them both (in case phone out of charge) and give them a portable battery charger.

I definitely found the teenage years the most worrying as they are on to the next adventure just as you adapt to the last! I would have worried about a day out like this when they were 14 but my eldest has now left home, the other has backpacked around Europe so them visiting the nearest town now causes me no anxiety. You do get used to it.

I think it's normal to worry. Ask them to let you know when they're getting back on the train, and tell them on no account to travel home separately.

They are had a great time and managed fine. I spent the day worrying but they are home. So hopefully next time will be a little easier.

thank you for replying and being kind. My boys are the youngest kids in my friend group, but they are my first and only. So my friends are very good at knowing it all. Been there and done that. I am sure they worried like me when their oldest were doing things for the first time but they seem to have forgotten. So I appreciate your kindness.

Glad all went well. You must be relieved and them pleased :)

I think you need to get them out and about more. It will build their confidence and ability to deal with situations as they arise.
Mine have been travelling all over our city in their own since they were in year 7. They've had to deal with some issues but have worked their way around them.

That would dial my worry down, honestly. Safe city 😊

The teen years are full of worry, even when the kids are ultra sensible. It's one long process of gradually letting go. As long as you don't let your worry get in the way of them doing age appropriate things and enjoying age appropriate freedom/independence, you're doing just fine.

My dd is 20 now and I still worry about her sometimes. She usually rolls her eyes at me in a fairly indulgent way. Even when she was younger, she always understood that I only worried because I cared...and that I never allowed the worry to make me behave unreasonably.

Thank you for updating, I wondered how you’d all got along.

I remember telling my mum when my boys were babies that I wouldn’t worry about them when they were teenagers and she gave me a look and said you know where they are right now, asleep in their beds. I came to understand what she meant. It does get easier, though.

I’m glad they had a good day.

They’ll have a great time. Just remember not to over contact them and make it clear what communication you need from them - ie text me when you get there and when you are on the train home.. praise them for getting the train/being on time etc once they’re back safe and sound