do u let them have the day off if they really low??

[ChangingChances89]

just thinking back to march time, ds had this day where he just sat on the stairs n wouldn’t go in. not angry or shouting just said “i can’t today” over n over.

i didn’t know what to do so i rung in for him n let him stay home. he just played xbox all day but was quiet n barely spoke.

i told myself it was just one time but now i keep wondering if that was weak parenting. like, should i of made him go??

he didn’t bunk or nothing, i called the school. they didn’t ask questions.

he had a few other low days but that one stuck with me.

i guess i’m just thinking of college coming up. what if he can’t cope? do i push him more or do i back off more?

i feel like i’m making it worse by not knowing what’s best.

anyone else let their teen stay off for mental health reasons?? or did it backfire?

I would for one day but not if it becomes a habit x

If someone can't, they can't.
Mental health or physical health problems - both are legitimate reasons to miss school.

Just be honest with school or college.

Have I missed something? What are you talking about?

yeah i get that. i weren’t trying to pull a fast one or nothing 😞 it was months ago n only happened once.

just keep thinking if i handled it wrong n made him think school’s optional or something.

he still went the next day n most days after that, but i can’t stop doubting myself lately x

DD15 was having a lot of friendship issues the last term of school there and had a few days where she just couldn't go in. It started with her saying her tummy was sore and the first time I put it down to period pains but quickly realised it was an anxious tummy. I let her stay off school. My mum would have forced me in at that age and I'd have bunked off anyway so I prefer that she can speak to me and I have been able to support her and at least I know she is home and safe. With college I think your son should speak to the course leader and let them know he has had some struggles so they can help support him and point him in the right direction for student support services.

I don’t think it’s weak at all, I used to take ‘mental health days’ when I was in education the first time, but back then it was just bunking off or faking illness. We understand mental health a bit better now and would have no problem allowing them with DC. I would encourage activities that would help improve his mental health like going for a walk or doing something creative rather than playing video games all day but whatever helps.

It’s good that he could tell you he didn’t feel well enough to go in and you listened to him- I would’ve gone out and hidden it.

You did the right thing. He said 'I just can't' and you respected him and his own personal limits, he recognised he needed a break urgently and you listened to him. Respect.
As the day goes on and he's relaxed try and gently ask what occurs at school that he doesn't like or wishes he could change, and or feels overwhelmed with and just needs that day break from? Hopefully he will be able to recognise what it is and hopefully share it with you. X

Yes, I will give them the day off for whatever really. My mum made me go into school every single day, sick, sad, whatever I was still going to school. I’m no better for it. My kids are in primary now so it’s not that important, but they know they can have a day off if they really want or feel they need one. They don’t really abuse it, and I’ve never had to deal with real school refusal so obviously if I did that would be a different issue. If they have a day off I generally make them do some kind of learning, so they know they’re not getting a day off to watch telly.

I think you did the right thing letting him have a day off.

thank u, this really helped me.

think i keep hearing my mum’s voice in my head saying i’m too soft, but ur right… if someone can’t, they can’t.

i don’t want him to feel like he’s got to lie to be believed. that’s what i had to do growing up.

gonna try n encourage him to be open with college early on like u said… just hope they’re kind about it x

OP what you describe is to, to me, sensitive and sensible parenting. And it seems it's worked - he had the day off he needed to regroup and has gone back ever since. If it became a regular thing then you'd have rethink. But it hasn't. Sounds like wise, supportive parenting to me.

thank u all so much. honestly i’ve been carrying this round for months like a weight on my chest.

i think deep down i knew he needed it that day but still second guessed myself coz of how i was raised n what people say is “lazy” or “soft”.

he’s not one for talking but maybe i’ll try n ask again about that day now it’s been a while. not to push just… so he knows i care n i’m still thinking about it.

really means a lot reading all this xx