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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Struggling 15 year old son

14 replies

Krissie1234 · 02/08/2025 08:04

Hi all my first post and I am really looking for some advice.
My son is 15 has started watching porn, hiding things from us, using Reddit to talk to online people (who he is now saying are his real friends) and yesterday I found a conversation he had with an ai site where he was basically asking them for advice and saying he can’t wait to not have to be around us when he is 18 (it hurt).
I don’t know how to react, we have tried talking to him, always been an open family and let him come to us about anything, he is very unsociable, doesn’t do anything after school. I appreciate his hormones will be everywhere right now and that he is growing up, we are concerned by some of the information in the ai chat mentioning lying, saying he is depressed things across those lines.
thank you to any advice in advance.

OP posts:
BrentfordForever · 02/08/2025 08:06

Perhaps something happened that messed him up mentally

would he go to therapy if you proposed?

ByGreyWriter · 02/08/2025 15:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Krissie1234 · 03/08/2025 07:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

My mom died 2 years ago (his nan) who he was really close to I am wondering if this is affecting his MH. He asked AI if he is a liar because he tells even small lies to his friends, and how to make friendships people.

Not sure what you mean by what happened to him before?

I’ve asked him if he is depressed he tells me no.

Thank you for your response.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krissie1234 · 03/08/2025 07:46

BrentfordForever · 02/08/2025 08:06

Perhaps something happened that messed him up mentally

would he go to therapy if you proposed?

I asked him if he would to see the doctor he said no.

He lost both of my parents one quite young and one 2 years ago, I always said he never dealt with my dads death and now my mom who he was really close with maybe it is this.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 03/08/2025 07:49

How much time is he spending on screens and does he do any real life activities with friends?

It sounds to me like a he is spending far too much time online and becoming a bit isolated at an age when he really ought to be out learning some social skills.

My advice, restrict screen time and sign him up to some activities to keep him a bit busier and doing something physical. Would he consider joining a gym? My same age ds swims for a team and had taken up golf with some friends so this keeps him pretty busy.

Comedycook · 03/08/2025 07:53

saying he can’t wait to not have to be around us when he is 18

This is pretty normal for teens I think...but the problem is if they spend lots of time online discussing this and escaping normal life and these feelings become intensified.

Do you not have parental controls/filters on his tech?

I also agree with a pp..get him joining a gym or doing something physical.

Original poster
Krissie1234 · 03/08/2025 07:56

WonderingWanda · 03/08/2025 07:49

How much time is he spending on screens and does he do any real life activities with friends?

It sounds to me like a he is spending far too much time online and becoming a bit isolated at an age when he really ought to be out learning some social skills.

My advice, restrict screen time and sign him up to some activities to keep him a bit busier and doing something physical. Would he consider joining a gym? My same age ds swims for a team and had taken up golf with some friends so this keeps him pretty busy.

Yeah I would say he spends a lot of time on screens as gaming is all he is interested in. He doesn’t hardly anything outside at all, he tells us it doesn’t interest him at all.
His dad has suggested joining a gym to take him out the house more and I think I will look at restricting his screen time, thank you

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 03/08/2025 07:58

It's so tricky with teens because they change so fast and for many of them their confidence takes a huge tumble and then that in turn causes them to opt out of things which makes them feel worse. If you can get him to the gym that will really help him I think....be prepared for him to need food all day long though and to become obsessed with protein.

Original poster
Krissie1234 · 03/08/2025 07:59

Comedycook · 03/08/2025 07:53

saying he can’t wait to not have to be around us when he is 18

This is pretty normal for teens I think...but the problem is if they spend lots of time online discussing this and escaping normal life and these feelings become intensified.

Do you not have parental controls/filters on his tech?

I also agree with a pp..get him joining a gym or doing something physical.

Edited

I don’t have parental controls or filters on his phone no, he did before but I lifted them when he wanted to research into some PS5 games he was playing.

He does spend a lot of time gaming so thinking some restrictions may help, thank you for your response.

OP posts:
Original poster
Krissie1234 · 03/08/2025 08:01

WonderingWanda · 03/08/2025 07:58

It's so tricky with teens because they change so fast and for many of them their confidence takes a huge tumble and then that in turn causes them to opt out of things which makes them feel worse. If you can get him to the gym that will really help him I think....be prepared for him to need food all day long though and to become obsessed with protein.

Thank you this has been helpful and supportive.
I am definitely finding it a tricky stage and to process that maybe I’m not as approachable as a Mom as I thought I was.
We are going to push the gym and him meeting with his friends more to see if this helps.

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 08:05

He needs outside activities such as sports as often as possible in the holidays and as school work allows. Joining a team would be great because he’d be out at training. See what your sports centre offers. There’s often try out weeks do he could see what he likes. Self defence and martial arts are good for this age - anything really. Gyms sometimes have an age restriction of 16yrs if the child is not with an adult. Getting into sports also helps with not smoking/vaping or drinking once training is regular and with a coach/instructor.

Original poster
Krissie1234 · 03/08/2025 08:13

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 08:05

He needs outside activities such as sports as often as possible in the holidays and as school work allows. Joining a team would be great because he’d be out at training. See what your sports centre offers. There’s often try out weeks do he could see what he likes. Self defence and martial arts are good for this age - anything really. Gyms sometimes have an age restriction of 16yrs if the child is not with an adult. Getting into sports also helps with not smoking/vaping or drinking once training is regular and with a coach/instructor.

Thank you, we will try again but he tells us he has no interest in sports whatsoever and has shown this for most of life. I will look into different options to see what else is available.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 03/08/2025 08:22

I do understand op ...it's really difficult with teenage boys and screens.. you are definitely not alone.

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 08:26

Krissie1234 · 03/08/2025 08:13

Thank you, we will try again but he tells us he has no interest in sports whatsoever and has shown this for most of life. I will look into different options to see what else is available.

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See if there’s a mag krava group for his age or any martial arts such as kick boxing etc. it’s different to football and it’s also something different. Good luck

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