Personal hygiene...

[PizzaPizzaYumYum]

DD(13) seems to not understand the importance of personal hygiene... Can anyone recommend a book I could buy which might help? Or how to convince her to get better at it without constant micromanaging from me? Not YouTube videos cos I don't want her to get into the habit of getting personal care / beauty tips from there (and she also doesn't have YouTube on her phone so could only watch in the living room in full view of others...).

We've had several conversations about daily showers and teeth brushing. I monitor / remind regularly for a few days then she stops caring when I step back to let her manage independently. We've just got back from a few days away and when I went to wash the dirty clothes from her suitcase it turns out she hadn't put clean pants on while we were away...

just tell her you need to have a shower every day

The pants thing is odd, if you mean underwear surely she must have been putting ca clean pair on everyday all her life?

You do need to have a sensitive conversation again, is she struggling with this? cant she be bothered, is she forgetting there must be something at play here.

Is she ND OP?
Hygiene issues can be more prevalent with ND persons (though of course it's not exclusive or limited to ND persons).

“We've had several conversations about daily showers and teeth brushing.”

”just tell her she needs to shower every day”

🙄

This took three posts.... Jesus.

It's actually a relevant question, because the advice given would be different.
HTH

“DD, you are of an age now where if you don’t shower and clean your body regularly you will smell bad. You must be showering every day and using deodorant. This isn’t negotiable. You do not want people to think of you as smelly and dirty.”

Get a poster/tick chart made up of things that have to be done every morning/night.

Morning:
brush teeth
brush hair
put deodorant
have clean underwear on
wash face

evening:
brush teeth
shower
etc

I remember often having to remind both my children at that age to have a bath/ shower and asking them if they'd done their teeth, even though they'd been bathed daily since they were born. 13 is quite young to be expected to remember everything about looking after yourself all the time.

If your daughter won't do it routinely then it's time to be more blunt. Does she ever smell? If she does you've just got to say that you can smell her BO and that's because she isn't showering enough. Tell her it's no good spraying deodorant/AP on top of a smell that's already there. Focus on the friends angle, tell her no one wants to be friends with someone who smells or has bad breath because they're not washing or brushing their teeth, or whose hair stinks.

Keep banging on that it's clean pants, socks, tights every single day without fail, bras every other day. Make sure she's got enough clean clothes and underwear so that she's always got them on hand.

You may have to go on at her for a while longer but I'm sure she'll get it. ( Unless she turns into one of those many people on Mumsnet who insist it's fine for an adult to shower twice a week and wash their children once a week🤮).

Can you make a routine ? Agree with PP regarding supporting by suppling a checklist , it will reinforce without having to repeat yourself . Maybe worth researching social story’s . It’s pictures so visualise what you have to do .
would it help if you laid her stuff out for the day to help her remember? Out of habit I’ve always put fresh uniform out daily with underwear and socks .
I also just throw fresh PJs and towel in the bathroom daily for after bath ( only because I have boys and if they do it themselves they won’t match 🙈!)

My daughter is 12, ND and I am really struggling with her hygiene. I feel like I've tried everything. Unfortunately I am able to smell her reasonably often. It makes me sad that as her mum I don't seem to be able to get through to her, and help her. She has everything she needs but doesn't do the things she needs to do well enough or often enough. It's really hard when as their mums, we want so much to help. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling too OP.

There’s lots of things in the shops aimed at teenagers her age - for example I saw chupa chups flavoured toothpaste in boots/sainsburys, nice body sprays and face washes. Maybe go shopping together and let her choose a few bits. She might be more likely to use it then.
I remember being that age and feeling grown up with my clearasil face wash and mouth wash/body sprays etc 😄

Thanks for all the suggestions 🙂 no ND , I think she's just a regular teenager who can't be bothered with hygiene stuff. By pants, I do mean knickers, and she was unable to explain why she didn't change them for the 3 days we were away. I talked to her about it again this afternoon about why it's important to have good hygiene and put in a rule about "you must wear new clothes after having a shower" (she would often put the same things back on, I think to save the bother of finding a new outfit) so at least I 'know' they are being changed at least once a day. If I start to think she isn't doing that properly, I might do some sort of checklist for her and take her shopping for new products as PPs suggested. I'd rather not lay out specific clothes for her or pick out her underwear if I can avoid things getting that far - I want her to maintain some autonomy if I can, but I guess that option is there.

if shes not ND then you really just need to go in hard I’m afraid. Ask her if she wants people to be commenting on her smell? Ask her if she’d be happy to tell her friends that she hadn’t changed her knickers in three days?

If you tip toe around it she will continue as she is or maybe even get worse.

It might help to approach this from a “small habits first” angle rather than big lectures. At 13, some kids go through phases where hygiene feels like just another chore, so breaking it down into tiny, doable steps can make it less overwhelming. I’ve seen this with my niece, what finally helped was creating a simple routine chart she could check off herself, so she felt in control instead of being monitored.

You could also try making hygiene supplies feel more personal and age-appropriate. Sometimes teens respond better when the products feel like their choice. Even basics like good-quality wipes or a gentle Sanitation Towel can make daily care feel easier and less “parent-directed.” If you want ideas on how to introduce small, independence-building hygiene habits, you can visit here for simple, practical options that don’t feel too grown-up.

And definitely keep the conversation soft and nonjudgmental. Ask whether she’s confused, overwhelmed, or just forgetting, teens don’t always realize how quickly hygiene habits slip when routines change (like traveling). A calm check-in and a bit of structure might go a long way.