Complex family - disabilities and meltdowns

[Sarnpark]

I have two teens (DD 14 and DS 13) plus a husband with early stage Alzheimers.

DS has autism and learning disabilities - he is mentally about 6 years old, and can be very stubborn.

We are currently on holiday for another week (bad idea but I wanted to give husband some lovely times before his Alzheimers progresses).

DD and DS very rarely get on. DD gets upset upset/embarrassed with his flapping, and with his anxieties (he doesnt like bodies of water or bridges which makes holidays difficult for everyone).

In the car today, DD had a huge meltdown as my husband was defending DS's behaviour/anxieties. My husband was probably in the wrong to defend DS, but DD was also wildly out of order, and she was swearing at us when I was driving, trying to escalate us, and threw her lunch out of the car.

Not sure where this leaves our holiday. Any tips to survive? This is probably our last holiday as they are not working for us... We are staying in a large UK city, staying in two rooms in a Premier Inn type hotel.

That sounds really hard. Really really hard. Is there perceived favouritism there from DD towards DS? Any chance you can arrange some 1-2-1 time just you and her?

I have a sister with special needs and (while I love her very much) had to put up with a lot growing up. I remember those little times with my parents without her there were very precious.

Divide and conquer. So much sympathy for you - holidays with Teens can be hard at the best of time but you have lots of factors to manage, including the pressure of making this special for your husband. Take that pressure off yourself where you can and take it day by day. Focus on good moments and accept that each days will have highs and lows. You and your husband take turns to do something with each child individually. Avoid outings as a group like fancy lunches or expensive tickets which are likely to create friction and leave you feeling down and upset.
one day at a time, aim low (a nice walk with your daughter and a mooch around the shops? Does your ds have any big interests you or your dh could pursue with him?) Family does not have to be as family all the time to create some special moments.