18yo with anxiety - how to manage

[Teenworries]

Long term poster - namechanged so as not to out, given all the other details I've put on various theads!

18yo DD is really struggling with anxiety at the moment. She thinks it's linked to A level results - we had a similar period when she was year 6 ahead of moving up to secondary (though oddly not with GCSEs).

It manifests as worries over the smallest things - spiders in her room is one. And I am her safe place - the one she relies on to help her calm down. I was out late at the weekend and came home to find her asleep in my bed...

She doesn't go to her Dad with any of this. Things aren't great between me and him at the moment. (I genuinely think she's not aware of that - I think it's more that she feels like she can't talk to him because he might not be sympathetic. I do recognise it could be that even subconsiously she thinks I'm a softer touch).

She was away after exams and is struggling to find work now. She's also not got a wide circle of friends - and some of them are away anyway. So she's not got enough to fill her time.

I've got two questions.

How do I help her? It is probably linked to results so hopefully will be better once those are through and she knows what she's doing, so it's only a couple of weeks to go.

How do I help myself? I think things are potentially terminal with 'D'H, though we're not shouting at each other and managed a family meal out over the weekend. But I'm really stressed about what might happen. And then I don't know if I'm feeling resilient enough to be the support DD needs as well.

I think you should encourage her to access some mental health support. Life has all sorts of stresses that can knock you sideways.

Is she intending to go to uni? Encourage her to ask for mental health support there. It'd probably be quicker than going through the GP, but that's the obvious pathway for her.

Well, she's turning to you for support. It's up to you if you are there for her or not. See how she is after results. You will both probably be less anxious once that is over with.

I didn’t read the whole post but some thoughts here;

Have she had blood test to ensure everything else is in order? B12, Vitamin D, Folid acid, iron, thyroid, etc.

Does She es excercise? Spend a lot of time on screens?

I recommend Magnesium chelated/glycinate. The one from solgar is very good for anxiety. Also meditations. I use the mindful movement in you tube.

Perhaps she needs CBT.

My advice would be:

Get her some counselling if you can afford to. But find a good recommended counsellor

Find small things for her and you to look forward to, even just going to buy an ice cream or watching something you both like

Look after yourself as best you can. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage.

See if you can do some small trips, even if it's just to see some sunflower fields or street art (I have no idea where you live!) - just to get away and out in the world and stop her fretting

It's good that she's discussing it with you though, plenty of 18 yos don't so you're doing something right. Good luck.

I have a 18 year old struggling too but not in same situation as your DD.

I think in your position I'd view this as temporary for now ans it seems most likely to be linked to her results (which I think is normal to be anxious about and I think one thing you can do is stress to her that its perfectly normal to feel anxious about exam results)

Even if you think she hasn't I'd put money on the fact she has picked up on the tension between you and your husband. Even if she doesn't know the full picture of that.

Try to organise a few things to distract her from the wait for results..... Day out - cinema holiday - whatever you can fit in/afford it doesn't have to be extravagant.

Then after the results if things haven't improved think about getting her some support - which could be CBT, a counsellor of online CBT or waiting until she can seek help at Uni - whatever would suits her best.

If she is not heading to Uni and has no plan of what to do. I've just enrolled my difficult one on a programme funded by local authority which is aimed at getting young people into employment.... it helps them with CV writing - interview confidence etc etc. There's likely to be one in your area.

I have a dd who is similar. I agree with pp you’re clearly doing something right if she is comfortable coming to you.

Mine knows that if she sits around the house she’s likely to start ruminating so I try to encourage her to have some sort of a plan for getting out even if it’s just to walk the dog. She’s gone to the gym today. Or sometimes she will have a ‘self care day’ and do hair/face mask or whatever. She did CBT a couple of years ago but didn’t fully engage with it, however some of it has stuck and she does generally manage things better. Agree with pp that uni mh/wellbeing support/counselling could be a good option.

Thanks everyone. I am pleased she feels she can be so open with me - though it’s often when I’m feeling exhausted or fragile myself and don’t feel I quite have the bandwidth.

Maybe she’s picked up on the dynamic at home without realising it herself. It could also be their relationship - they’ve not always got on.

I’m definitely encouraging her to be as busy as she can be. Just feels a catch 22 when she’s not feeling robust enough to do the things that would help her feel better.

She is due to go to uni - and I really don’t want her struggling with this kind of thing when she’s there.