My friend has a teenage step daughter...

[blackrock]

I have a lovely friend who has a DS by her husband and a D step D by his previous marriage. She talks about her as though she is not part of her family, and doesn't want her to be involved with certain events. She is increasingly experiencing problems with the stepdaughter and has asked for my opinion. I think she needs to include her more, and I think my friend is dealing with the situation badly. Too much of an equal to her, and pushing her away emotionally.

I don't know how to tell her this without offending/upsetting her... what would you do?

be blunt.

a true friend always tells the truth even if it risks offending, and she has asked your opinion.

I am a stepdaughter, and while I have a great relationship with my DSM now, we had a terrible relationship when I was a teenager. Some of it was my fault, some the fault of my circumstances (my mother died), and an awful lot was DSM's fault. I really wish she'd had a friend who had told her that she was handling me badly. So I second PinkTulips - her actions may have a profound impact on how the DSD turns out, and it sometimes takes someone removed from the situation to point out the obvious.

how old is the dsd black? are they close in age?

pink and hassled are right tell her what you think.

also isn't there a good book I see people recommend on here about step-parenting...? sure someone will come along and mention it. Perhaps you could buy that book as a present for your friend?

If friend's D step D lives with the second family - then I feel very sorry for her. Step Mums are almost always younger and prettier than your Mum and it's very likely D step D looks more like the rejected Mum than the Dad. I don't know anyone who has lived with their step mum happily. I got on well with my step mum once I was in my twenties, but I never lived with her, just holidays and that was bad enough.