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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

18 year old and anxiety/self-doubt

3 replies

Lookingforadvice345 · 21/07/2025 08:29

I know the advice is to go to the GP/find talking therapy, but also looking for some common experiences as I'm finding dd18 very difficult at the moment (my problem, not hers).

She's always been quite fearful and an overthinker and this has got more so as she's got older. She moved schools at the beginning of Y10 due to unmanaged bullying and this has no doubt left a lasting impact of a fear that people will turn on her. She made friends at her new school, although hasn't really had a social life as they're from communities and religious groups that don't really socialise outside. She has refused to get involved in anything outside of school since the pandemic. This has resulted in long, empty weekends and school holidays for her. She's not happy about this, but her overthinking and fear of being turned on have prevented her from taking the step to get involved in anything.

She finished her 'A' levels in June and has been job-hunting. She had a trial shift in a restaurant last week, which was utter chaos and she was laughing about it. She had another one yesterday and got into such a state of anxiety that she didn't go. It wasn't about the shift per se, more that she felt that she looked ugly, didn't feel happy with what she was wearing and so on. These are common themes that have stopped her doing things eg Y11 and Y13 prom, the few social events she has been invited to etc.

She's been filling her time with job-hunting, which now seems a bit pointless if she can't take the next step. When she got the trial shift, she was worrying that they'd ask her to work Friday/Sat/Sunday (likely) and that that would be too much.

I'm currently pushing the idea of voluntary work. She has a bit of money coming in from baby sitting, and I think if she gets some experience in using a till, customer service, using a coffee machine, she's going to be in a much better position to find paid work when she's ready.

Having said that, she's an adult and I feel that I'm way too involved in her life. It's not that I mind per se, more that I think it perpetuates her dependence on me.

Having always dismissed the idea of therapy, she's become more open to it as she recognises the overthinking/panicking patterns that she has. I do appreciate that things will be closing for the summer soon, so this may have to wait.

I guess looking for common experiences/ some sort of reassurance that she will find her way through, as I'm finding it difficult to pull back and leave her to find her own solutions when I can see her becoming more isolated and anxious.

TIA in you've got this far.

OP posts:
Mixednuts123 · 31/03/2026 21:49

Just searching for posts related to older teens with anxiety and came across yours.
just wondering how your teen is now? Just looking fo advice and encouragement I suppose.

LoyalMember · 01/04/2026 19:12

She's hardly an adult and seems lost and vulnerable. It's good she babysits and brings in money that way. She's obviously quite well thought of by the parents. I hope things work out for her. All the best...

Lookingforadvice345 · 02/04/2026 21:16

Happy to be able to share a more positive post. DD did some voluntary work in a local community cafe, which she didn't like much, but it did enable her to get a paid job by October. It's zero hours but very people based and she's really enjoyed it. I can see that it's done wonders for her confidence. She's also been volunteering one day a week, which had been good for her. Still many more empty weekends than she would like. She's planning to to go uni in the autumn and is painfully aware that other kids on gaps years are off travelling and doing all sorts of exciting things, and she just doesn't have the friends to do this with.

She's had a few panicky/overwhelmed episodes which are very specifically related to the situation in which she had to leave her old school. I don't know how she'll fare at uni - it's so dependent on luck and whether she can make friends or not. And she's got a few months before then to fill.

So not completely there, but in a much better place than last July when I posted. Getting out into the world and interacting with people is the best remedy for anxiety and loneliness, it's getting them to take the first step and keep on stepping that's so difficult.

Solidarity to all in this situation. It's so hard for them and their parents.

OP posts:
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